For the past two years ive been depressed i always worked my ass off since i was 14 years old when i turned 18 my dad made me drop out and start working in the oilfield my entire family has done it since oilrigs were made of wood and we exell at our jobs exept my father hes a lazy drunk and used me to do his work plus mine i hated it but i became one of the best. He never advanced was always the backup hand for 30 years i on the other hand was probably the best derrick hand in the state of ks and still am i watch other guys struggle to do what i can do without even griting my teeth these guts are usually much bigger stronger in not small im 6 foot 2 but i weigh 150lbs im skinny and lanky ive had my keft arm ripped in half when i was a kid and my arm is kinda messed up but i can do everything better than the next guy i had to learn to drill at 25 becouse my boss was always on meth and he would get spooked and abandon the rig till the next crew relieved us plus my dad was hungover everyday so i was doing everyones job i made a goid name for myself anyone in the state would hire me. I was 28 and i only knew work no girlfriends no kids had alot of friends but i wanted to start my life. Then bam i met a girl i fell in love immediately and continued wirking my ass off we got our own place together and by then my dad got tired of the oilfield and found an inside job now im the last of the men in our family to be a roughneck. Things were going great my girlfriend informed mevshe was pregnant and i keot working my ass off so my little girl would gave everything she would ever need till she turned 5. After she was born i just wanted to take sone time to be home and bond with her she looked exactly like me and everyday i went to work it killed me nit not spend time with her. Eventually my girlfriend abd git married i worked so hard to give her the best wedding possible and i payed for everything including our honeymoon and some of our wedding gifts. After the wedding i went to work and cut the end of my finger off and it was pretty bad i squirted bone out of the end like a kechup pack. They made me take 6 months off and for once i got to sit back in pain abd enjiy my family for the first time i loved it i was glad ny finger was cut off. But that time went fast and it was time for work again exept i only made it about 6 months and the oil market crashed and they layed off every roughneck in the state. Now this is the only thing i knew how to do and i was thr best at it and now ive got to find worl but i dont know anything and i was embarrassed that i couldnt ttake care of my family. I ended up working for a roofing company i did great the company was new and i was an early employee so i moved up fast and was the forman before i knew it the company started taking off and i was on top but knew nothing about roofs i fajed everything for a couple of years all i did was pray for oil to go up so i can go back to what i was good at and loved. It ate at me everyday. I wad depressed most of that time. Then my wife let me know were having another kiddo. I was so hapoy again was proud. I was always the best dad a kid could want everyday id come hime and play and soend time together i was dad of the year every year then i got tired of working i just wanted to be with my family for once and so i quit my job well that only pays the bills for so long. One day my wife was fed up cause i was staying home being happy for once and she asked if she coukd get a job and i could stay home for awhile and i jumped on it. Finally a break and i cant see my little girls. That was the worst decision ive ever made my wife started letting it go to her head and used the money she made for herself i,had to beg her for things i would need. She gave me a small allowance and i was really hurt becouse i always got her everything plus more to keep her happy now for me i get nothing exept dirty diapers and crying kids. Eventually i began to get delressed becouse now im in a spot where i cant take care of my family.one of my good friends was marrying my wifes cousin niw my friend is family and my wife was happy.but then all my friends were going to the wedding and my wife went my kids went and i stayed at home sad becousei was embarrassed that a badass roughneckbis now bitch who changes diapers,and makes,bottles. How was i,going to tell that to people i,havent seen in years. By this point,im so,depressed i wanted to commit suicide. My friends family everyone found out cause my wife,told them. So now i feel even mire shitty. I wanted to just go back to work. Eventually a job came up to become an over the rosd taxi cab driver very boring job if you ever been to kansas. Very flat and boring.i felt my badassness was dying . but with both of us working we were doing betrer financially had miney in the bank everything was working good Finally. Then after a year of the lat my wife started an affair at her job. She worked at a facilty that provides rehab for child molesters. I had no clue till one day i got home early and she was home early to instantly i knew something was nit good. She looked at me and lied to my face why she was fired. Later on she,eventually told,me they made,out and that was it. I was still very pissed and,hurt .who compares to,a child molester. We split up for awhile and it was rough i was so confused and hurt she quit talking to me quit letting me see my kids. Then i eventually forgave her took her back so i could see my kids. Things were going ok and thought this might still be ok. Wrong she never stopped keeping in contact with the chomo behind my back. Then i took her to a concert with my oldest daughter. And the day we left i got a letter from the post man. It was from the chomo. It was a gold bracelet. He had our address. These guys are violent offenders in his case he beat and sodomized his two year old niece. My youngest daughtet was 2 so i was instantly worried cause these people have people and family not locked up and what if he sent someone after my kids to hurt them. Bam instant divorce. I was floored that my wife would do this to my family. I still am today. Now fast forward and i went down a dark path became a heavy meth addict started selling large amounts risking prison. My friends never checked on me it was like i was just abandoned. My attorney didnt do shit and my wife got 50 50 custody wich scared the shiy out of me becouse i knew at this point something is not right with her. I was worried for my little girls. Then came the daybi dreaded the most my oldest daughter came to me and sayed mommy and some guy like to put thier fingers in my youngest daughter's butt and take pictures. I was ready to murder right there on the spot. I should have done it. Instead i called the police they acted like i was making,it up to try and get custody removed. I called the,emergency room and rushed her to a town over to be examined by a nurse. Only to find out they cant check to see if she has been abused that way. Again i got turned into crazy dad who just wants to hurt the mother. Now its been a year since the divorce and im still the crazy dad. Ive since got myself clean on my own and since then ive found out my ex has had a boyfriend the entire time and his best friend just got charged with production of child porn. So im putting all tgis,together in my crazy dad head that my kids are being exposed to this and being abused. Again i called the police and nothing ive tried the judge in our divorce and nothing ive tried everything i could. Then one of my best friends decides hes going to help me he told my story to the child advocacy of ks shes the head honcho in the state. Ive filed dcf reports. And still nothing yesterday i met a girl and she informed me my ex still contacts the chomo thats locked up and uses her ex husband who still works there to smuggle in contraband into the facility cellphone nude puctures drugs who knows and ive reported it and still nothing my ex has kept my kids from me since August and im so scared they are being hurt . im not a crazy dad im about to be tho if somebody doesntbstop this and getbmy kids away from her and throw her in prison its where she needs to be so i dont kill her please someone help me so they dont think im psycho sorry for grammar and stuff it was really hard to write this