I recently got mentally into a bad place bc of a fuckboy and I had been feeling well not sad, kind of indifferent or low, you know that slowly simmering emptiness you feel when you put your feelings onto the back burner bc you don't want to deal with them right now.

and I just scrolled through newer posts, or older, really upvoted posts and I again realised that who am I and shouldn't take shit from anyone.

unfortunately I still have the tendecies to give too much too quickly to guys bc I'm lonely and while I don't give up my interests, hobbies or friends for a guy I do, you know, just hope too much too early.

though I do have to admit he gave me that kind of image of himself that we could actually hold a normal conversation and then turned out to be a fuckboy that he blamed on his mental health. idk. in the beginning I tried to help him and be understanding bc I too know what it's like to deal with depressive episodes. but it got to the point that I don't care honestly. he could have told me "hey I'm not well mentally right now, I will hit you up when I'm steadily better". but no. he instead only hit me up when he wanted to sext.

and I tried to express these things to him, in a way that I didn't sound controlling, then I panicked that I did sound controlling and ended up apologising. it was a mess. ugh. and he left me on read on all of that dflkbgnbklgnkhgnb éjámlgzéhg.

but you know what. I'm glad. he may remember me as a wreck riddled with insecurities and anxiety, but that's fine bc that's not my only side. I can be so sweet, fun, empathetic, someone who loves the outdoors, nature, space, and the mysteries of our world (mainly ghosts!!)

but he doesn't get to experience all of these goodies bc he didn't see anything else than a big butt to jerk himself off to lol!

so yeah. thank you for reminding me that who am I, and who I can be, even though I fucked up the image of myself in his eyes. and that that doesn't matter.