Sexual Violence as a Form of Abuse in Men’s Experiences of Female-Perpetrated Intimate Partner Violence

SamaelET · 2023-04-12T18:02:03+00:00

41 responses from a possible combined total of 315 across the two studies were analyzed because they indicated that they had experienced multiple types of abuse from their female partner, and that this included sexual violence. Experiencing sexual violence alongside other forms of abuse therefore occurred for 13% of the 315 men who responded to both surveys.

Analysis of these 41 responses highlighted the full range of abuse experienced by men in IPV relationships where women were the perpetrators. Indeed, men who experienced sexual violence also reported experiencing physical violence and abuse, emotional and financial abuse, and coercive and controlling behaviors. The relationships between these different forms of abuse varied. Some participants indicated that the different types of abuse occurred in isolation to one another. For some, physical violence was not accompanied by sexual violence [...] For others, coercive and controlling behavior occurred independently of other forms of abuse.

Although, as noted above, for some participants the different forms of abuse seemed to occur in isolation, we saw two areas where there were clear links between the sexual violence being experienced and other forms of abuse. These were physical violence/ force, and coercive and controlling behaviors. Indeed, for several men, there was an intimate relationship between the physical and sexual violence they experienced, with physical violence and force being used by their female partners immediately preceding, or during, the sexual violence:

"I’m a Catholic, who kept his virginity for marriage. She took it by beating me till I gave in then played with me till I got hard." "She started trying to have sex with me and I told her I did not want to as I was drunk and very tired and felt sick. She didn’t take that as an answer and started hurting me, forcing herself on me, hands around my neck, telling me I would do it or she would kill me".

Men also reported being physically restrained or pinned down by their partners as a way by which sexual violence was perpetrated:

"I was subjected to several sustained sexual assaults after being handcuffed to the bedframe while asleep." "My ex-girlfriend pinned me down on the bed whilst on top of me."

For some men, if they did not comply with the demand for sex then physical violence would follow:

"I got physically abused if I didn’t comply."

Participants in both studies also described incidents where their female partners forced them to have sex when they were vulnerable and unable to physically resist. In such situations, the amount of physical force used was often reduced because of the men’s vulnerable state. For example, participants reported being FTP their female partner while they were asleep:

"I went to bed early telling her I was going to take a sleeping tablet while she stayed up and drank, then about 2am, I woke, she was on top of me, raping me. After that I was destroyed. I didn’t go home unless I could avoid it, I was scared."

Men also reported being FTP their female partners while they were under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs and thus unable to physically stop what was happening, or to provide consent.

Coercive and controlling behaviors were also intimately linked to the sexual violence experienced by some participants. Indeed, despite sexual violence, and in particular forced sex, being a physical act, men in both studies reported that they viewed their experiences of sexual victimization as being directly linked to their female partners’ desire to control them [...] Participants reported the relationship between sex and control taking a variety of forms. For example:

"She also was in complete control of our sex life—she decided if, when, and how we had sex—including demanding it outdoors (she would get turned on by the possibility of being seen) and in public buildings. She also controlled when/if I was allowed to orgasm, and would be violent if I didn’t comply." "She used repeated threats of suicide as well as insults and degrading comments to force me into a position where I felt I had to have sex."

A further aspect of victimization in this context involved control and manipulation around the use of contraception, including forcing men to have unprotected sex:

"My ex-girlfriend pinned me down on the bed while on top of me. She covered my face with a pillow and choked me. She removed the condom and continued then at the point of orgasm didn’t move. She did this every time we had sex until she became pregnant"

As alluded to in the quote above, several participants believed that the goal of this behavior was for the female perpetrator to become pregnant, sometimes against the man’s wishes

The relationship between sexual violence and control also extended outside of the intimate relationship itself, directly into men’s relationships with their children:

The mother of my son (ex-partner) would cause me difficulty with my relationship with my son if she was unhappy about my attitude or something I had done. In order for me to stop the arguments or fighting was for me to initiate letting her give me oral. Although it wasn’t exactly involuntary I certainly didn’t always want it but felt it was the easiest way to stop fighting for the sake of my son."

Title	Sexual Violence as a Form of Abuse in Men’s Experiences of Female-Perpetrated Intimate Partner Violence
Author	SamaelET
Upvotes	16
Comments	1
Date	April 12, 2023 5:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Male_Studies
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Male_Studies/comments/12jt900/sexual_violence_as_a_form_of_abuse_in_mens/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Male_Studies/sexual-violence-as-a-form-of-abuse-in-mens.1217630 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217630

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