To start off, I'm 17. I'm a senior in my second semester of high school and I live in California. I've come across TRP multiple times over the past few years but I usually dismiss it. I recently rediscovered it today and after binging some top all-time posts, I have some questions, despite feeling like I already know the answer to them. Basically, it all boils down to: is it even worth it to be in a long-term relationship, get married, have kids, live a nice comfortable life; the American dream?

I currently have a girlfriend, that by most people’s standards, is near perfection, or at least that’s what everyone who meets her tells me. She’s beautiful, she’s smart (recently got accepted into Yale), and here’s the kicker: her family is extremely wealthy. I get along great with her family. Only reason I met her is because our dads are old friends, somehow (my dad is a doctor, hers is a business owner). My family is galaxies away from hers in terms of wealth, but I never really gave a shit. We met during summer break between eighth and ninth grade at a family party my family was invited to. I met her and we quickly became best friends, spending nearly the entire rest of the break together. I also met her best friends, two also rich, if a lot less, girls who also eventually became my best friends.

Over the past four years, a lot happened. She asked me out during sophomore year, but I rejected her since she asked literally asked me a day after I dumped my ex-girlfriend at the time. Since I’m the only one in our little circle of friends that’s not rich, she would often pay for me, for EVERYTHING when we went out to eat in fancy LA restaurants. She’s bought me tickets to conventions, and in junior year, our group wanted to go to Europe for summer break and even though I knew I couldn’t afford it, she bought my first-class tickets and paid for basically all my expenses while our group was there for a month. In our senior year, a little before we officially started dating, things got really tense and it culminated in her talking about how she waited for me for four years (she never dated a single other person and I was her first everything) watching me date other people and I told her the reason I never asked her out was because I didn’t want to lose that connection by entering a high school relationship that would inevitably end over something really stupid. We talked it over and I basically said fuck it and we started dating.

It’s been three months so far and it has actually been really good. On the outside, it’s practically perfect. I’m typing this on a MacBook Pro she bought me for Christmas. My classmates constantly nag me about how “perfect” it all is to basically turn the tide around and have a sugar mama instead of a girl having a sugar daddy. It probably really does seem that way considering she goes to a private school and I go to a regular public school (not exactly ghetto, but pretty ghetto).

You’re probably asking what’s the fucking problem, it seems like I’m just bragging. Well, after discovering TRP, I honestly can’t help but be paranoid. If I’m being completely honest, if loyalty was a person, she’d be it. I don’t think cheating is even a word in her vocabulary nor is it present in her genes. But I don’t know that for sure. I can only assume. She’s never given me so much as a hint that she ever might (most people tell me she’s way more in love with me than I am with her) but I can’t help but be paranoid. On the outside, I’m pretty fucking confident. I do what I want and say what I want without giving a fuck (stuff I learned from lots of research on YouTube and Reddit). I have a damn good fashion sense and I make that shit known. But when I get home and I’m alone, I’m probably as insecure as it gets. She could have literally any fucking guy she wants, why the hell is she with me? That’s probably the most beta thing I’ve ever said and I would chastise someone else for thinking that but it’s different when I’m the one thinking it. I don’t want her to cheat. I love her, and I want to be with her. Yet, I’m in this constant state of worry over literally nothing, and acronyms like AWALT don’t help. The worst part is that I actually agree with it.

It seems like so many girls are whoring around nowadays and seeing girls who are dating someone just run off with the next guy really does put a spear through my heart. I want to believe that there are girls who are genuinely loyal, genuinely love you, and that true love actually exists, but everything around me tells me that I’m just looking for a blissful lie. Sometimes, I just want to forget love completely and live my life being a complete badass who simply just has flings to fulfill my sexual needs but doesn’t enter a relationship because I don’t need or want the constant stress of being worried that I’m going to be cheated on.

On one hand, this girl seems perfect. She literally told me recently that she wanted to forget Yale and go to a university in California so she could stay with me. I told her that she should not forego her dream school to be with some guy she’s dating in high school. She told me that while Yale is her dream school, where she goes doesn’t really matter as she plans to have a spot in her father’s company and money isn’t a concern to her. On the other hand, all I can think is “Yeah that’s nice. So, when are you going to cheat on me? Now? Later? 10 years down the line?”

Are my feelings sound, or is it just me being an insecure beta? Do you think AWALT, that they'll all cheat eventually, that they can't genuinely love you the way you want them to, or are there special cases? Sure, I could just enjoy the moment, but I'd rather not waste my time. I don’t talk to anybody about this because I refuse to let anybody see me as someone other than the confident personality I parade around in public.