I'm scared to initiate with him bcuz of fear of being rejected. Which has happened multiple times especially when we first got married. So I've simmered down. Alot. Before marriage w other partners I've never been rejected turned away from sex. Always been the one that was begged for more(in previous relationship).

Been married 3yrs. Now sex is 1-3x a week. Although he typically only wants sex on weekends. Well it's Monday night and I literally feel like I can't sleep at times without sexual relief and now I can't sleep(again).

I half assed offered and he said he is tired and goes to bed and I'm left craving intimacy (as usual). It's starting to eat me up on the inside. Like I can't sleep. I always see posts of women complaining there husbands so horny and I'm jealous bcuz it's opposite here.

Last week he was teasing we would do it then went to bed. When I confronted him about it he then offers pity sex. By that point I was so embarrassed and upset I said no till we ended up having sex the following Evening. I ended up crying during the sex bcuz I was so horny and so desperately needed connection but I felt embarrassed bcuz to him it's nothing but for me I felt so vulnerable bcuz I have so much pent up sex energy and no outlet other than him. Sex doesn't matter to him. Also he does extremely poor job listening to me. I will say something multiple times throughput week like hey we have x plan Saturday. Then sat comes he's shocked and has no idea what I'm talking about.

We had sex twice Saturday. For him he won't offer, gesture,or even kiss me(unless I initiate)probably till next Friday/Saturday.

I'm christian so masturbating and porn are a no-go for me. But this is my life for 3yrs. I am 29f he's 31m.