92% of people fail their new years resolutions(1https://www.statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/).

Sadly, the majority of people who attempt to learn game also fail. That might sound demotivating, but if 92% of fail, that means 8% succeed.

In this chapter, you’re going to learn what differentiates people who accomplish their goals from those who quit. With this knowledge, you will be able to adjust your strategy to make sure you’re among the 8% who succeed.

 

Why People Fail

 

There are two primary reasons people abandon their goals.

1. Their Strategy Is Flawed

When I was 18, I decided I wanted to build muscle. I went to the gym several times a week and followed a diet.

Surprisingly, after three months of working out, I had barely gained any muscle. I assumed my genetics were to blame—maybe I was doomed to be skinny and weak.

But it wasn’t my genetics. I eventually learned that I wasn’t eating enough food to build muscle. With my diet, I would have remained skinny even if I lifted weights 20 hours per week.

The second I downloaded MyFitnessPal to track my calories was the second I started making real progress.

Previously, an invisible barrier was holding me back: my strategy was incapable of getting me the results I wanted.

The same applies to dating: most men get lackluster results because their strategy is intrinsically flawed.

If you’re reading this book and watching videos about attracting women, but you aren’t regularly meeting new women and asking girls on dates, then there is a 0% chance you will make progress.

This sounds so obvious that it doesn’t need to be said.

Yet, so many guys make this mistake. It’s a mistake I’m all too familiar with.

Between the ages of 16 and 20, I turned learning about game into productive procrastination.

Every week, I spent hours studying mindsets and techniques that were supposed to help me attract women.

But I didn’t get any tangible results whatsoever. Learning about game became a substitute for taking action in the real world.

Any strategy for success with women that doesn’t involve regularly meeting new girls is the equivalent of a muscle-building strategy that doesn’t involve lifting weights.

Waiting for a specific moment to start taking action (when you get a new job, move to a new city, lose weight, etc.) is like watching P90x workout videos without doing the exercises because “you’re not ready yet.”

There isn’t just one good strategy for improving your dating life. However, for a strategy to be useful, it must involve taking measurable action.

You wouldn’t expect to learn how to play guitar simply by watching tutorial videos; you know you have to pick up a guitar and practice. Similarly, if you want your dating life to improve, you must get out of your house and talk to girls.

I know that most people reading this aren’t already doing this. Their strategy is to learn game first and to start taking action only when they’ve accumulated enough knowledge.

This will never work.

I wasted four years learning about pickup without practicing it. And looking back, I wish someone had told me that my strategy was deeply flawed.

If you plan to spend the next few years getting ripped or getting rich or reading books before you start approaching women, you don’t have a plan; you have an obstacle.

Make sure you set specific goals to go out and meet women a certain number of times per week. The more vague your goals, the more likely you are to procrastinate.

 

2.They Lose Patience

 

It isn’t easy to consistently approach women without burning out. When we choose to pursue a goal, we start with the end in mind. We approach women thinking about the exciting sex we will have or the girlfriend we’ll meet.

From this frame of mind, every night you go out is a failure unless you bring a girl home.

If you orient yourself too much towards a long-term goal, you will face a lot of unnecessary disappointment as you pursue that goal.

If instead, you orient yourself towards the process itself, your efforts will be much more enjoyable.

What you define as a success and what you define as a failure matters.

After you go out and approach a few girls, but don’t get any numbers, do you feel like you succeeded, or do you feel like you failed?

You should be proud of yourself for making progress, but for many guys, a night like that would feel disappointing.

With any new endeavor, there will be an initial pain period in which you have to exert a lot of effort, but you aren’t getting noticeable results.

Whether it’s dieting, meditation, or meeting women, there will almost certainly be a delay before you start getting the results you want.

And it’s in this initial stretch that most people give up on their pursuit.

The solution to this is to embrace the pain period: expect that your first several months of any self-improvement venture will be unpleasant.

Know that most people don’t make it past the pain-period, that it is the greatest obstacle to success people face.

To overcome the pain period, lower your expectations. Appreciate every small win you get.

Imagine you’re going to a nightclub for the first time in your life. You’ve never cold approached a girl before.

You walk around the club for fifteen minutes and try to talk to people, but you can’t gather the courage. You go home without having done a single approach.

Was that a win or a loss?

That was a win. You got out of the house and tried to talk to girls. You took a step towards your goal.

You should be proud of yourself for getting out of your comfort zone.

Let’s say you approached a hot girl and got her number, but she didn’t reply to your texts.

Was that a win or a loss?

Again, that was a win. Getting bitter that the girl didn’t respond isn’t going to help you in any way. Most guys don’t even have the balls to approach a hot girl, let alone get her number.

I’ve even heard guys who slept with a girl complain that it wasn’t satisfying because, “She made it too easy. I didn’t need any game to do it.” Or, “She was cute, but she wasn’t a 10.”

Of course, you should think about ways to improve, but if you don’t give yourself credit for the progress you’re making, you will start to feel like your efforts are pointless.

Why keep trying if every night ends in failure?

This is one of the reasons field reports are so powerful. You can design them so that you are forced to give yourself credit for taking action—even if you didn’t get an immediate result. Furthermore, field reports allow you to analyze what you could havea done better in a way that is constructive rather than self-defeating.

The process towards real change is challenging—that’s why most people ultimately fail to achieve their goals.

The reality that it’s difficult to stick with your goals for more than a month is another reason the 12-week action plan at the end of this book is so useful.

By committing to stick with this for three months, you increase the likelihood that you will persist through the pain period.

Embrace the process, embrace the difficulty, embrace the stress.

Expect progress to start slow, know that many people give up within the first three months. You will probably want to quit at times. You will likely think that the effort isn’t worth it.

Think these thoughts, but persist through them. Know that once you get through the initial pain period, you will not only start dating amazing women, but the process of going out and meeting women will become enjoyable for its own sake.