I'm sick of being a sad pushover/beta (21/M/virgin)

OurBroath · 2015-05-18T19:47:11+00:00

First thing I'd tell you is don't go. Write the money you have spent off as a learning experience and get on with you life. Make up some bullshit excuse about something coming up if you don't feel like giving her the truth.

As for your other problem, this will be the same as others will give you. You need to stop worrying about it, it will happen at some point probably when you least expect it. I would hazard a guess that because women are willing to treat you as a friend then you aren't creepy or weird.

Importantly try and stop obsessing about it and don't come over as desperate. Girls run from desperate men.

Good luck.

puaCurveBall · 2015-05-18T20:02:44+00:00

Where should I go from here...

Go out and start approaching women. Right now you are just passively hanging around friends rather than actually taking any proactive action.

all the effort I've put forth with her

NEWSFLASH: Girls don't fuck you because of effort or how nice you are, they fuck you because you are attractive.

Girls don't owe you shit, you can put all the effort into the world and that doesn't mean shit when it comes to them being attracted to you and fucking you.

Baron-Barrington · 2015-05-18T20:31:35+00:00

It turns out that being a virgin or losing your virginity isn't a big deal... My rent is still the same, my job is just as shitty and most things on the McDonalds 99p menu still cost more than 99p. Not much changes.
There is much work to be done, it is not impossible but it will take some time and dedication.
You need to stop giving a fuck and stop being in love with this girl.... yes I know; easier said than done.
Fuck closure... move on bro... you don't need to go there in the hopes that she will change her mind and leave her man for you.
Approach girls... you will get over it, we all do... The real world isn't like those hollywood movies... effort and desperation will not lead to happily ever after.

2015-05-19T01:10:10+00:00

First things first, cancel that trip of yours. As a guy that has also been through the whole "let's just be friends" crap, I feel your pain. Girls, no matter what their age, like to pull this shit on guys where they keep them stringing along as a means of doing favors (rides home, free food, homework, etc.) while giving him the illusion that he has a chance, which sounds like what your "friend" is doing. Hell, unless she is providing some value to your life as well (such as being your wing girl or getting you into parties/special clubs), cut her out of your life completely. Don't ever let people take advantage of you like that.

This is going to be the difficult part. What do you want to do with your life? What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in five years? What do you like to do in your spare time? If you found those questions hard to answer, then this next part is going to change your life.

To begin, get some momentum going in your life. Find out what type of man you want to become and figure out how to begin based off of your current situation. But here's the catch: pretend that women don't exist. You have to learn how to be happy with yourself before you bring some chick into your life. Get to the point where if you get rejected it doesn't bother you because you're too excited with your life goals.

recyclablebantha · 2015-05-19T06:31:55+00:00

I am flying across the country soon to spend a weekend with my female best friend

Why did you choose this destination? You realize that you could probably spend that kind of money and go somewhere else interesting, right?

....all the effort I've put forth with her and some other guy gets what I've wanted for so long over something as pathetic as that. It just made me feel worse.

It shouldn't make you feel "worse." That's a choice Would you expect a car without any gas to outperform a car with a full tank? Your mindset makes you like a car without gas in the tank. And that mindset is a CHOICE.

Effort does not guarantee anything. Confidence comes close to guaranteeing results, though.

going out to bars with friends.. everyone somehow is paired up and I'm alone in the corner annoyed by the loud music and minimal space.

So don't go to such places. If you don't enjoy them for their own sake, STOP going.

I'm convinced there has to be something wrong with me at this point because everyone around me talks about sex so casually and it seems so easy for them - both males and females.

I was a virgin until about your age. It is difficult getting over that hurdle but it's largely in one's head. Not that this helps. But the start for you would be to realize that getting your life in order will help you fix this issue, more than focusing on getting laid.

I'm at the point where I feel my being a virgin is a weakness and something I should be ashamed of.

Not at all. You can study up on sex on the Internet. Positions, oral sex, etc. All kinds of techniques. I studied a ton before I had sex the first time. Went in excited to explore her body..... and she had no clue that I was a virgin. None of my first partners thought I was inexperienced. Because as it turns out, an exploratory, curious mindset is a good one to have in sexual encounters.

Baron-Barrington · 2015-05-18T20:21:36+00:00

Yessss.... Let the hate flow through you!

Title	I'm sick of being a sad pushover/beta (21/M/virgin)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	May 18, 2015 7:28 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/36ehfy/im_sick_of_being_a_sad_pushoverbeta_21mvirgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-sick-of-being-a-sad-pushoverbeta-21mvirgin.1287011 https://theredarchive.com/post/1287011

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