I've read about polarization a few different places related to this subreddit, including in Mark Manson's Models. Then, today, I had an interesting experience at a party that I have decided to share with all of you.

The Story

I attended a party in honor of a girl. She is hot, in the HB8 or HB9 range. She is also very smart. Let's call her "the Birthday Girl." I had not met her before today. I know one of the Birthday Girl's roommates peripherally from work, and it was she who invited me to the party.

For the first couple of hours, I met lots of new people, trying to get to know most of the party at least in passing. Several times, I encountered the Birthday Girl, and for whatever reason, we kept having these small, mildly hostile interactions. But I was generally focused on other things.

At one point I was in a less crowded area of the party, taking a sort of "break" with a handful of other people. The Birthday Girl came into the room and I attempted to launch a conversation with her. I must have said something presumptuous, because she raised her voice and admonished me angrily, saying something to the effect of "who the fuck are you." Several other people looked at us. I waited a moment.

Next, the Birthday Girl, who was the center of the whole party, who was surrounded by social proof, who is hot and smart and confident, who I had just insulted, this fucking girl apologized to me for raising her voice. After this, I continued my general party interactions. But in my head, I thought, "what just happened?"

The Lessons

  1. When confronted with an angry person, the dominant behavior may be to be calm, possibly even silent.
  2. Given even meager social proof, you can trust the people around you to rein in an angry person. The angry person may even preemptively rein in themselves.
  3. If you're acting confident and making friends, you don't have to worry about what other people think.
  4. There is basically no downside to polarization.

TL;DR: I insulted someone. She got angry, but then she apologized to me.