Last year of college, do I pursue this girl that I like?

2018-01-23T17:53:09+00:00

Bruv, what are you doing? You're asking what to do about a female friend in a relationship? You keep being friends with her and be thankful she took it so well. I'm going to lay some straight talk on you.

You say you have trouble giving up on things, but that's only things you want. Let me show you why you don't actually want anything to happen with this girl. So you're friends. Either you want to be friends with benefits or date her. I'm going to guess it's the second. So, I'm assuming you want a monogamous relationship with her. Now, based on that assumption, you want her to leave that relationship and come do the exact same thing with you. You see where I'm going with this? What you want requires her to be the type of person who is willing to A) cheat, or B) leave one relationship for another. So, thinking things through, what you're really asking for is for her to date you for awhile, then screw you over. How would you feel about that? I doubt it would be fun. So, the end result is something you don't want, so why would you sign up for it?

Okay, so now let's look at it from her perspective. Your friend, who you trust and who has been open about her feelings suddenly comes up and asks you to leave or cheat on your girlfriend to be with her. How would you feel about that? How would your girlfriend respond. Now, imagine that women are bigger and stronger than men.* Now, wouldn't that suddenly make everything a little more intimidating? Unless you have years of martial arts experience training under a former paratrooper who happens be short and know everything about fighting taller people, I assume you would feel a little more pressured. This bigger, stronger friend of yours has now decided they want to act on their feelings. How far are they willing to go? Will they take no for an answer? Can you trust them if they say they will? Will your current girlfriend (also bigger and stronger) take this news gracefully? Will she stay calm or take it out on you?

Now, from her boyfriend's perspective. Again, how would you feel if your girlfriend either cheated on you or left to be with someone else? Probably pretty shitty right? Well, he would feel the same way. Why would you want to do that to someone else? If I haven't convinced you yet, this should. Why would you even think about it? Luring away another man's girlfriend is one of the worst things you can do, and if any of my friends ever did that I would probably get some other guys together for a blanket party.

Let's say none of the above had any effect. Let's say you need her so badly that you're willing to accept the risk, accept looking like a creep, and accept being a douche. Fine. Here's why you probably can't get her anyway and what you have to do in order to.

Why should she leave her boyfriend? She's obviously happy to be dating him. Why should she give that up? If she were just uncontrollably attracted to you this post wouldn't exist, so scratch that. Or if her boyfriend were bad? Well, no, then she would have left anyway. And so on for every other reason. In short, if there were any reason to cause what you want to happen, it would have happened already. It didn't, so it won't. So in order to get what you want you have to change the circumstances.

You have to create some new reason why she should take the risk of dating you. Or make her aware of one she doesn't know about. Either is basically impossible to pull off and will probably demand radical personal change that goes beyond working out, flirting more, and swapping out your feelings for intentions. What you're talking about is changing an established social dynamic without uprooting both of your lives, which is basically impossible, and never easy.

Edit: before I forget, don't say "this situation is different" "she would only do it for me" "but we're made for each other" or anything to say it's not the same. It is. Most men have said or thought the exact same thing. I did too for about a minute before I snapped myself out of it and realized what I was wanting. It's the same story, just a little different in the details, and no amount of talking around it will change that fact.

In short, keep the status quo and find another woman to not give up on. Preferably who is single, and non-negotiably, is attracted to you.

*This is a generalization based on women being on average smaller and less strong than men. This assumption could be wrong in this case, but in the absence of such details I've substituted averages.

Title	Last year of college, do I pursue this girl that I like?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	2
Date	January 23, 2018 4:53 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7sfr81/last_year_of_college_do_i_pursue_this_girl_that_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/last-year-of-college-do-i-pursue-this-girl-that-i.1292318 https://theredarchive.com/post/1292318

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