I've been together with my girlfriend for 13 years now, since I was 16 and she was 14. We were both virgins when we got together, we haven't got married nor have any kids.

A bit of background. I've been growing up to a single mother and no siblings so you can imagine how BP-illed I was, yet I've never been a soy boy either. I've always struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and I've always thought there was something fundamentally wrong with my brain but couldn't put my finger on it. About 3 years ago I did hit the wall but I've been on an upwards spiral thanks to an awesome (female) therapist that was the opposite of my mother in anyway possible, a familist and a very adept mother and wife. I've started working out, putting in the hours at work and generally taking alot more care of myself than ever before, and my gf seems very attracted to that.

Now, to the problem. I've never been entirely beta thanks to being tall and naturally handsome + I'm playing guitar and singing so I've had plenty of contact to girls but remained true to my relationship, with very few exceptions. Thing is, we've always had vanilla sex since I thought what happened in porn just didn't happen in real life, but now I've grown older yet the sex is still vanilla as fuck. The fucking is still very good, and I've gotten more aggresive and dominant with her in bed but at the same time didn't really cross the line over to what I really want from her. And today it hit me, I just wanted a good girl that would just go down on her knees and suck me off and swallow, but I can't see myself doing that as the relationship is set up right now. What do?

TLDR: I just want my dick sucked bros