My wife wants me to be more romantic, says there's not as much of a spark as their used to be.

cannonspells · 2016-11-01T15:32:14+00:00

Tell her you don't feel the vibe either because she doesn't talk to you and assumes you will know it all ! Tell her that you are willing to work on it provided she is too, all she needs to do is talk and explain her thoughts to you !

IWriteForGroupies · 2016-11-01T15:53:03+00:00

I feel like you are a logic based creature that is trying to adapt in a world full of emotions. The good thing about logic is that there are patterns.

We almost never fight

This goes against most people's logic but this is actually a problem. Think of it this way, in order for something to grow it has to struggle.

a difference between having a romantic night and having a cute date night.

Romance is almost like an art. It is done to provoke certain feelings. It is more about the idea and the thoughts. Some females are more into the way things make them feel. Good food satisfies the stomach but making her favorite meal with a glass of her favorite wine with your wedding song satisfies the mind, body and more.

I've never been a super passionate guy

I am sure you are passionate or consistent about something. The problem may be the way that you show it. The love languages of people are often expressed different.

Multiple partners have told me I'm kind of like a robot.

This is a personality thing that leads to confusion. You are not a robot. You may be hard to read or your response is not one that is typical or easily noticed.

For her the issue is that I'm not romantic enough.

I believe she communicated this in the wrong way. The problem is that you don't show romance in the way she wants you to or think you should.

I don't say enough romantic things or plan enough spontaneous events.

I think she has an idea of how a man should be. I think she wants you to take control. Simply eliminate the options.

ys she doesn't want to make date plans with me, she just wants to be told "this is what we're doing and I already made the plans" but when I actually do that she says she's not feeling it or is too tired.

In her mind you are a robot, you may not be doing this in a natural way. You may be doing it only because she wants you to do it and then you may be doing it the way you think it should be done and that may be wrong. Female logic is a pain.

I learn later that night that I did something inappropriate given the context or I didn't pick up on something she was putting down and it killed the whole evening for her because she saw the night played out a certain way in her head and something I did prevented that from happening.

The hard part for most people is to learn the logic of other people. This simply boils down to knowing your spouse and how she thinks.

I always respond with 'well why didn't you say something, or try to communicate that with me at the time' and she says 'because you should just know what to do'.

She has a point. You have been married for five years. Some things you should know. I know that you won't know everything, but something you should know. Also, easy is boring. She should not have to tell you everything. A woman doesn't want to tell you everything. They want you to guess, make mistakes and all kinds of stuff. You have to have an idea of Romance. You also have to have an idea of her type of romance.

I don't need a full on instruction manual, just one sentence to describe how she's feeling or 'I don't like the way you did that' would be fine.

Communication is a painful thing that people should learn in school. I believe she has told you many times in her ways, but you just haven't noticed. I will say that women are masters of telling people things without telling people things. You have to read body language and pay attention to the things that they do. Almost everything is done for a reason. Everyone views the world different. You simply have to learn how she views it and learn to understand her actions. I know this is not simple, but it is doable.

She tells me a huge problem in the 'romance' aspect of it is that any time we can't see each other due to my job or other life circumstances, she gets very distressed and angry about it, and she wants me to be verbally and visually angry about it too because right now it feels, to her, like I don't even care.

People are not mind readers. I know I am not. Women often look for clues from people to see how they feel. If they cannot find clues, they want you to give them clues. I feel like you use logic too good. This means that you may think way ahead make a reasonable decision based off of that. Like if you can't fix it, there is no point in getting mad. Women want to know that you know you can't fix it, it makes you upset and this is the reason you are not upset. I believe you are showing problem and end result without all the work that lead up to the end result. Women want to see the work.

The way I see it there's really no point to getting emotional or angry about situations where I have no control over the outcome because it feels like a huge waste of time.

Your logic may be flawless, but what the woman sees is a problem and you not getting emotional. They need the in between. Without the middle stuff they don't see the same thing.

I do get angry and distressed when there's something I could be doing, but that's almost never because if there was anything else I could be doing to spend more time together I'd be doing it, so I wouldn't feel bad about not doing enough.

Logic again. I can't read Chinese or Russian. Think of it this way. The way you are doing things is Chinese. She can't read it. The way she is doing things is Russian. You want her to understand, you need to write it out in Russian.

The way I see it, if I'm called in on an on-call shift when we had other plans, it sucks but I'm not going to yell about it or get pissed off other than just saying "well this is shitty, my job sucks" because I know other than quitting, there isn't all that much I can do about it and I'd rather spend the time that I do have with her being cute and friendly and not being angry.

You keep using your logic again. In your head it is perfect, but for her it is not perfect. Her logic may be like since he is not showing the emotion (Russian) he really does not feel it. Maybe he is happy to get away from me.

How do I reignite some kind of spark here? Any tips are welcome.

I love a challenge. I believe that you two have different ways of thinking and most of this boils down to a communication issue. I believe you need to learn to speak her love language. I also believe you need to pay more attention to her and read her body language for clues. Most communication is done without words or writing. A simple look or smile can say a lot. People have patterns and after five years of marriage you should know them.

I believe that you should learn her from top to bottom. You need to know her logic. Once this is done you can accomplish a lot. I believe because of the communication issue you two truly do not know each other fully. I also believe a lot of stuff you communicate is lost in translation.

Logic is a pain. To quote someone, you must unlearn everything you know. I believe romance will be easier once you learn her love language.

ThrowawayPUA · 2016-11-01T16:41:10+00:00

/r/DeadBedrooms

Title	My wife wants me to be more romantic, says there's not as much of a spark as their used to be.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	November 1, 2016 2:55 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5aji7i/my_wife_wants_me_to_be_more_romantic_says_theres/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-wife-wants-me-to-be-more-romantic-says-theres.1300449 https://theredarchive.com/post/1300449

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