So... a bit of background first will do here: Im a lonely 24yo who has been single for as long as i can remember... best description i could give i guess would be to say that at some point without my realizing my closest friends vanished and i became a singular entity... By the time i realized this though i was baffled as to what to do.

Flash forward now to present day to save some text space. Ive been gyming and trying to keep a positive attitude girls and even dudes tell me i look great. I started searching for a girl, dated a crazy one (didnt go anywhere nor did i "get some", ironically she moved away too lol, and i think i was a bit desperate for dating her.. she was cute tho). so it was back to the grey black and white seeming life with no colour.

like 2 months after that, Finally i had met a girl who i rlly rlly liked.. idk why i just rlly liked her but no matter how i tried she always made a excuse when it comes to us meeting up somewhere.. always. recently it was the third time i asked her out to then be told on the day that she cant make it.. i kinda snapped and argued with her and she was saying stuff like "its not that" or "ofc i do want to meetup" ended the convo with me saying w.e and i havent messaged her since and she hasnt messaged me... we saw each other once (work at the same place) but we kinda ignored each other.

Now having typed that all out I guess i can feel it painfully clear.... she just doesnt care about me the way i do right? sighh i kno... i feel like this whole post is me just ranting..... i honestly started this with the intent to ask at the end "should i message/ or go see her and try one more time to do something?" but now i guess idk what i wanna ask...maybe tell me something, anything.. i think its so much worse for me cuz as i said i am kinda lonely and i cant even imagine finding another girl.. all i feel is time passing whilst i stare at the colourless world..., the worst part is i kno some of the steps i took that were wrong where i couldve escalated and stuff that mightve changed the outcome but i dont even wanna hear where i went wrong, right now i just wish i could go back in time and be a better me who somehow gets her in the end... im so tired...

TL:DR i guess this is a rant about how i lost a girl i liked that i was talking to for some months. and asking for encouragement or just something..