We all have a need to project a certain “self” unto others. We're always trying to manage impressions and our “need” to get people to see us a certain way causes us to act out of character. So how do we solve this?

In this article, I will reveal to you the secrets of breaking free of your conditioned self. You will finally learn how to actually be yourself without fear of judgement.

When we're around our friends, we feel like we can be ourselves. But somehow when we're around women, we're not. A different self seems to always be peeping its head and controlling how you think, feel and behave. For example: You might be having a great day, but as soon as a girl texts, your state rises and you feel the need to be with her.

What you're doing now becomes diluted with the desire to get to the future. As a result, you feel a knee jerk response to text her as soon as you get her message. That's not normal because you don't do that with your friends. The way you text her will be totally different from the way you text your friends.

Everything from the way you express yourself in person and social media. When attempting to impress a girl, you'll posts statuses you wouldn't have posted all for the need to get her to like you. If you're not aware of that it means you're not really being present during those times.

I call those “signs of needs”. Signs of Needs are moments of the day when that “needy self” arises and takes hold of your social-emotional state. It controls the way you receive everything, from yourself and even time itself. You experience a time dilation.

I don't want to delve too into what this “needy self” because I explained it in my previous article on the ego. What I want to do is show you how to identify it in yourself and eliminate it for good!

When we feel any type of “need", our instinctual reaction is to make yourself feel better through getting positive reactions that confirms our self image.

When you get that text message from the girl, you feel the need to respond to her as soon as possible. Even though you promised yourself to wait a bit longer to text back, you can't resist. But why?

Depending on your childhood, we all have emotional pain that has left its imprint on us, even till this day. As children, we struggle to cope with strong emotions. So in an attempt to feel better, we block them through creating a defense mechanism. From that place is where the ego is born.

The ego is always ready to defend its existence or repair its identity whenever something goes wrong. As a result, the ego's natural reaction is to feel better through elevating ourselves above others. Either through bullying, accolades and/or being a victim.

As a result, any feelings of rejection or negativity will leave its imprint and affect the way we interact with others.

So when you text a girl and she doesn't respond, rather than remembering the events that caused pain, you remember it through an emotional response. This emotional response then activates your defense mechanism to protect your sense of self.

That's why you think twice when taking any sort of action because to you, rejection means losing the enhanced sense of self you get from being validated.

In here is the realization that will set you free: the one who seeks the validation is not you, its your ego. So the one who's always double guessing itself is not you.

So what's the sign that you're acting from your core self? ACtion from no mind. It means you aren't thinking about your actions. You're expressing yourself without filters. You aren't worrying about making an impression. You're just acting. But your egos won't allow you to see the simplicity in things. That's why gaming seems so complicated.

The key to breaking free of your pain body (emotional pain you hold unto) is to first recognize that you have a pain body.

The recognition of the pain body dis identifies you from it. It can't control your thinking anymore which means it can't grow. Just like a youtube troll, it wants to be fed with attention to get satisfaction and keep its momentum. It will scream and shout and say provokotive things just to feed on people's reaction.

By dis identifying with it, it can't accumulate anymore references to confirm its existence.

The change is not instantaneous, but the cloud of emotions withers away and your thinking becomes clearer.

Your actions come from your truest self, the inner you; presence.

To be yourself, identify moments of need

Make it your goal to awaken the neediness in you so that you can remain alert and dissolve it through recognizing for what it is. Rather than running away from your pain (which is your defense mechanism), run towards it. Be present during pain and allow it to be there without any form of resistance.

Make gaming your new spiritual practice.

A good practice is to allow yourself to feel the pain. Feel yourself feeling inferior and observe the emotion. Most of the time we try to convince ourselves we're not this or that. But in this case, just listen. Just observe and accept it. Relax yourself in the midst of tension.

Go online dating and allow yourself to feel the rejection when girls don't respond and/or ridicule you.

When you get rejected, direct your attention inward, and sense the emotion directly. Don't label it as good or bad because then you're filtering it through your ego. Relax yourself and observe the reaction.

If a girl flakes, take that as an opportunity to grow in presence and weaken the pain body, the needy self. Observe the feeling of disappointment and anger. But don't judge or label it.

Noticed the times when you need to post a status to get likes and comments. If so, when you get the likes and comments, observe your reaction. Don't hold unto it or reject them, just observe and accept.

When a person compliments you, notice the high you get from it. When you feel the need to be with a girl or go on a date with a girl, observe how that feels. Remain present.

This will make gaming and interacting with women a fun and easy thing to do. Or else, reality will appear as permanent and closer tied up to who you are and who you will be. The events will have more weight to them because your sense of self depends on the outcome. There's no playfulness in your actions anymore. You can't be yourself when you risk losing your sense of self in the outcome.

Allow yourself to feel how you currently feel without needing to change it.

You're surrendering to what is.Surrender means to embrace what's happening now. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't go for the kiss or keep being persistent. It means that you don't take action as a means to an end. You don't take action to become happy, to find yourself.

The ego interprets the attention its getting from the woman as an enhancement of ones self image. Not responding and getting the response is to the ego, death. So you need to respond because you don't want to risk loosing the enhanced sense of self. You're holding unto the moment and not wanting it to end.

For example, have you ever talked to a girl and didn't want it to end? The reason you didn't' want it to end is because, to your mind, this is what it longed for. It views anything outside of that moment as suffering.

Conclusion

Can you see how these moments of need are all around us, but we just never noticed them. They are so common that we can't tell the difference between us, and our conditioned response.

So go out there and experiment. See how it feels like to be rejected, humiliated and embarrassed. Your ego won't like it. But if remain present, you'll notice the peace behind your pain. I'm not saying to not defend yourself if someone crosses your boundaries. What I'm saying is to remain alert of your mental-emotional state. Don't let it catch you off guard so that when it arises, you can use that opportunity to grow in presence.

Any action you take, any technique you use, will have that "hump" to it. That hump is presence; your truest self.

This is how you learn to game without losing yourself. After you master the art of being yourself, game will be much easier and fun.

If you want to learn how to game I have a free home study course you can download as a free gift. Its 32 videos with 5 hours worth of content. Covers from open to close. Check it out here