Fear A lot of people talk about needing confidence to get ahead in life. This is true. Many people don’t really understand what confidence is though. I’ve even heard someone say, “Confidence is being confident in yourself”. Confidence at its heart is a lack of fear. In order to be truly confident, you must get rid of your fears. Maybe you think of confidence as being able to pick up girls. A lot of guys are deathly afraid of girls. Their fears may include: what do I say, what if she doesn’t like me, what if she says something mean to me? All of these things are major fears. The way to be confident with women it to lose all fear.
This works in relationships too. If you fear what she might say, do, or think in response to what you do or say, you have a lack of confidence. This will cause major problems in your relationship. She will see your fear of her and walk all over you. You have to lose that fear. If you have no fear, you will be completely honest with her and with yourself.
This goes even further than relationships with the opposite sex. It works in jobs too. Have you ever interviewed for a job when you already had one? I’ll bet you were completely relaxed because you didn’t fear not getting hired. You already had one so you had nothing to lose. You probably got the job or were at least one of the top candidates.
Now, interviewing for a job when you are unemployed is a different story. You fear the unknown. You fear being without work for too long. This saps your confidence and the interviewer can tell. You come across as needy and nervous.
This works for any interpersonal interaction. If you fear something going in, you will have problems. Your lack of confidence will show and the other person will lose trust, attraction, and interest in you. If you lose that fear and know that no matter what happens things will be ok, the interaction will go well and you will probably come out ahead. For example:
A guy is afraid to tell his wife that he is going to go out with his friends that weekend. Because of his fear, he either tells her the truth, but acts apologetic like he is doing something wrong or he lies about it. If he acts like he should be sorry for going out with his friends, she will go along with this feeling and be upset with him about it. If he lies and she finds out, she’ll be upset with him too.
Now, if he tells her flat out with no apologies or hesitation because he does not fear her reaction things will work out much better. She will go along with it because he is confident in his actions and does not have anything to hide or be apologetic about. She will most likely even encourage him to go. This works in all situations. Lose the fear to gain the confidence. Remember that you have no reason to be afraid of anything, even death. There is nothing you can do to stop it, so why be afraid?