This is going to sound really funny, but I do. Yes, you read that correctly.: I am having trouble giving a fuck.

For the past week and a half, I've been practising pushing through small talk. It's been an amazing week and a half; I've built so many connections with people, I've become genuinely interested in what they had to say, and I've loved every second of listening and watching them speak.

I'm able to observe and distinguish body movements like eye widening, lash batting, and hair touching. My kino is shit, my push-pull is shit, and really, I can't follow what I'm saying a lot of the time. If I were to, it would make me uncomfortable, it would slow my reaction time, and it would frame me a lot differently than I am now.

I'm a bit worried and confused on how to proceed. I'm afraid that addressing some of my weak points will put me through a cycle of depression and being uncomfortable with myself.