Hello, seddit. How's it going?

So, I come back into town from spending the summer in New York. I was there for the summer, and, having just gotten out of a serious relationship, had finally gotten in to chatting up the ladies. Had a couple less than successful adventures, but I grew myself a teamster style beard and was feeling good. Maybe my third night back in town, I went to my local bar. (Side note: get your self a bar! Go in all the time and meet the regulars and the staff, and you'll instantly be able to DHV. Bartenders make the best wingmen). So I get there and see several of my friends, BigGuy and Sadness. Sadness was my old roommate, and both he and BigGuy go to law school with me. I post up and Sadness is talking to his exgirlfriend, HB6. She's there with her best friend HB8. Now, I know HB6 fairly well and have talked to HB8 on occasion, but I don't know her that well.

It quickly becomes apparent that it's HB8's birthday and she's wasted. I could tell this because she yelled my name out really loud. So I go sit next to her and start talking. We talk for a bit, and she's laughing at everything I say (I'm funny, but not that funny) and I'm definitely getting some solid IOIs. Out of the blue she says "I like your beard" and I'm all "thanks!" and she says "No, like I really like your beard. This is when I say to myself "Hello, there" and I initiate kino, which she is all about. I got to excuse myself go get another beer, and I come back and see she's on the phone. Taking a tip from seddit I say "Hey, it's 12:15, and it's no longer your birthday. That means you should stop talking on the phone and talk to me instead." She looks at me and says into the phone "I have to go. That guy I was talking about says I have to go and talk to him."

More chatting continues, and I realize that she is like 10 years older than be, and she asks me how old I am. Making a call back to a joke I'd made earlier I said "I don't have to tell you that. That's a third date kind of question." The night basically ends with my pretending that I think WoW is the greatest video game after and ascertaining that she likes comic books.

A few text messages later, and we are out on our date. I start by saying "Just so you know, I don't play world of warcraft. I just wanted to check that you're okay with my being kind of nerdy." She said "I love nerdy guys." When suddenly a wild Scott Pilgrim novel appears and I say "Hey, I brought you my favorite comic book. Now there are six of them, but to get the rest, you have to hang out with me again."

We go in to the bar, and have some booze, begin re-escalating kino. After about three drinks, she has her hand on my knee and is telling me that she was good at math but never took calculus in college. I'm all "You can for sure learn calculus, you're a smart cookie." She then informs me that I have 20 seconds to explain to her calculus. I whip out a pen and draw a couple cartesian planes and with 17 seconds she says she understands derivatives and integrals.

We go outside for a cigarette, and she is just sort of looking at me, so I go in for the k-close like a boss. She is like "Oh, thank God! I was afraid that was going to happen on the way back to the Metro." I suggest we take this party somewhere else.

She explains that her apartment has a no boys rule, but can she just make a quick call? I look over start talking to the guys playing chess on the sidewalk. She comes back, and sees one of the chess players with his arm around me explaining that I absolutely need to stick around for a game to give him some pointers. I look over and her, she gives me the thumbs up, and I nod my head to her and say "Duty calls. Next week."

She invites me up to her apartment, fixes me a drink, we have a smoke on the balcony. And f-close.

tl;dr Come back into town with a new beard, teach a girl calculus, f-close, and wake up in Maryland.