.      "You need to step your game up" Cecil said to me before he finished his can of Keystone lite        /'      and tossing it into the growing pile of cans in the center of the yard. I had been going        //       through a very long dry spell, 5 centuries by last count, and I was open to trying some new    .  //        things. Earlier that week I had gotten a tattered copy of Neil Strauss's "The Game" from the   |\ /7        weekly dumpster-diving adventure, I had read it cover to cover.  /' " \        .   . .        "I'm ready for this, Cecil, I'm gonna try some Negs, then some Kino, and then take her back to | (    \    /  my place. We'll write GLSL shaders and play rounds of Marathon:Infinity all night long." |  '._  '     /   \ '-'      "It's foolproof" I added, "What could go wrong?"  The best laid plans...  We eventually settled for the dirtiest dive bar in Philadelphia. The El Bar, on the boarder between Fishtown and "You're gonna die, painfully" Kensington. Cecil settled down at the bar and ordered the first round of PBR while I scoped the place out.  "Cecil!" I yelled "It's a Demoliton Man pinball machine!"  "Not now, you need to get laid tonight" Cecil hissed, as he handed me a can. I sipped it and sulked at the bar. It took a few minutes for The Pixies to come on the jukebox, but Black Francis is my secret wingman, and I wasn't about to try something foolish without him crooning in the background.  It took a few minutes before she stepped in, with her gal pals. She had a rough-and-tumble look to her, a  tasteful amount of makeup, scruffy boots, and I could tell there was something about her. I had to make my move.  "You know why It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?" I asked  "No, why?" She said "Because they shoot it in Southern California, also, if they shot it here they would get shot, with guns" I said, blankly  "I'm Sandy" she says "Sandy" I say "I'm a Unicorn" "I've never met a unicorn before" She says "Is it true what they say?" "There's only one way to find out" I said, cooly.   "Try the Kino!" Cecil hissed at me from across the bar. "Cecil" I texted back "Things are going fine, I don't think that's nessicary" "She's into you right now dude" Cecil texted again "Try a Neg"  "You're fat" I said next. "What?!" She looked at me with a mixture of surprise and confusion. "I mean" I said, blushing "You look well fed" "WHAT" She said, getting angrier.  "Try the KINO!" Cecil said to me I attempted to reach out, but my hooves got caught on her scarf and I ended up trampling her, in the screaming and ensuing melee, I poked through her purse with my horn, lancing her iPhone.  This was frustrating. Soon bar patrons were throwing their drinks at me (how expensive!) and in true Philadelphia fasion, they were starting to brandish their side arms. Some of the more grizzled residents were assembling thier shotguns. I was getting frustrated.  "GODDAMN IT, THE BOOK SAID THIS SHIT WOULD WORK" I yelled  "I know who you are" Sandy said in a huff "You're one of those scumbag 'pickup artists'! I have guys hit on me every week using that shit!"  She and her freinds walk out, as she leaves she says "I hope the FR you write about me is long and terrible, maybe the other PUAs will buy you a new pillow to cry on!"  After things quiet down, I turn to Cecil.  "Well, nothing left to do with the night, let's get some Crystal"