In both pickup and everyday life, I've noticed a large rift between two methods of leadership. Leaders who take control, and leaders who are given control. Much like between a monarchy/dictatorship and a democracy, the power is given to one man, but what differs between them is the path that lead him to his position. Did he choose himself, or did he get chosen?

In the dictatorship style, the leader has placed himself there by force. There was no decision by the people to elect this man as their leader, but he is there anyway. History shows us that this is sometimes a viable method of attaining power, however, most power taken is also taken away. I see many examples of this style posted here in r/seduction. Posts telling you about waking up in the morning and telling yourself you're awesome, assuming control of any group, and telling people where to go. Regardless of what you may tell yourself, you're not the chosen leader, and therefore don't command the full respect of your people. This power you have is just a front, which will fall as soon as a more-qualified usurper comes along.

On the other hand, the style of democracy is all about being elected. The group has decided on you as their leader and will trust in your decisions, not just follow them. They will ask for your direction. The group will stay loyal to you, so long as you stay loyal to them. This power given will be defended for you by virtue of the mutual respect your group has for you. If the people have a leader who they enjoy, why would they jump ship to a unproven newcomer?

I am the leader of my group. It's a weird thing to say, but it's true, and it came without any direct thought of it on my part. It just happened. The first time I came to truly realize it was when, while drinking, my friends got on the subject, and unanimously agreed that I was their leader. I was shocked on how everyone knew it but me. After this moment, I thought back on all the times we had together, and they were right. I made most of the decisions and they would always ask me for plans. It wasn't always a good job however. A while back, we got caught partaking in some illicit activities by an RA. As they confronted us the group fell silent, and I knew it was my responsibility to get us out of there. I stepped forward and talked the RA down, and we made our joyous escape. It's only after a situation like this, that one of your traits make itself known. Once it reveals itself to you you can come to understand it, and thereby control it. I never thought of myself as the "alpha" male, I just learned that I was the Captain of the ship.

Watch Firefly. Captain Reynolds doesn't make decisions on his input alone. He clearly can't know every factor involved, so he listens to his crew. They throw out ideas and he listens, most of the time, with respect. The crew wouldn't respect the Captain if the Captain didn't respect the crew. This is an important principle in being the chosen leader; without it the camaraderie dies.

The path to election is longer than that of force, and in some situations you just don't have the time needed to fully secure your role. However, if there is a decision is being discussed, listen. Hear someone's input and comment on it. Decide if it is a sound choice or not, give your feedback, and then move on to someone else. Once you have heard all the opinions simply state your position, which should be generally in line with the consensus, and the reasons why. If you are the last to make the choice, you have ipso facto made the final decision. Even if you're agreeing with everyone else, you've still given the direction that people will follow. You have shown respect to all parties, and listened to all input. These regards will be shown back to you. This is the first step towards becoming the Captain.

Beyond this, make sure you do everything you can to give yourself value. (I hate this word due to pickup but I see why it's used.) Picture this, you've just starred in a movie and are being congratulated for it. A regular fan comes up and says, "Good job." at the same time, Bill Murray walks by and also says, "Good Job.". Your reaction to the god Billy Murray will be much stronger than that of the average joe. The words have the same letter but carry different weight. This is because what Bill says has value behind it. His words mean something. If you go around saying you're awesome but lead a shitty life your words are empty. Go out and better yourself to become awesome. Read a book, pickup a hobby, doing anything you find interesting will make you interesting as well. Girls like guys in bands because they have a passion for something, and they express it. You too should find a passion and girls will like you for it as well. Follow your ambitions and see where they take you. Good luck.