I've made it this far.

I remember when I was a young adult, middle and high school when all the flirting and intimacy with the other gender starts and puberty hits, I was a loser. I had this crush on a girl in mid school and she was so into me too, I could tell by the way she looked at me all the time and wanted to be near me, she laughed at my stupid jokes and hugged me often. I could tell this wasn't friendly but I was a pussy. It's fine because I was only 14 and didn't know about gender roles and game back then.

Next year, as I was growing, I had more chances like this that I had wasted. I was becoming a shy, introverted and silent man. I wouldn't even say hi to girls I liked. I was afraid. And most of the times I did it felt pretty weird.

I grew up one more year, got my second oneitis back then. With that hot tall stunning girl who teased me now and then, but I wouldn't become dominant and just kiss her already. Eventually, I had chances again, with both of the two girls mentioned before but this was when some other kids bullied me to stay away from them and they got the prize. I was a loser.

After that, everything became worse. I walked down the street and watched people hold hands together, as I was almost 18 and I was a loser virgin who would jerk off all day on perverted thoughts. Or what I thought was perverted, and not normal (trust me, wanting to fuck a girl's ass till you cum five times in her is not perverted, especially when you're a virgin. It's pure masculinity but we were programmed to believe sex is a bad thing, be shamed for our sexuality and frowned upon by the blue pill society.)

By the time I had hit 17 I had developed severe OCD and psychological traumas thanks to societal isolation, and getting no more attention from the females, even friendly. I would be treating people how I wanted to be treated, and believe in be good to others and shit like karma platitudes. All fucked up in the brain made by weak pussies to keep me down and halt progress.

Luckily, for a better turn of events when I left home to study on university I had a chat with a friend, who revealed to me the world of PUA.

For one year, I'd just get a girl to kiss me and something platonic but just that. After discovering Mystery though, everything changed. I was so obsessed with it that I studied for thirty days straight and simultaneously tried new things and yes! I started getting numbers, I started getting more than just a kiss or worse, a kiss in the cheek. I would get blown, and fucked by some girls who didn't flake. This was amazing.

It's needless to say I was still fucked up inside, I was becoming an alcoholic and game on nightclubs scoring drunk. I did day game successfully and badly on a fair share too.

Then, I got into a ltr for 2.5 years with what I thought of as a unicorn, which ended up in severe oneitis and pain again. I was crushed all over again. Pua wouldn't excite me anymore because I had gotten the point of it being woman centered and some of it was trash, literally. It became a marketing scheme.

Oh the days passed.. I learnt my mother had cancer, I started fucking up in university. Drinking a lot more. Then I smoked my first joints with some friends, and for a year I would be stoned all the time. I had lost friends because of weed. Made new ones, who were only friends for smoking weed. Bad choices. I had fooled my self into believing success is an easy thing that comes overnight and tripped in the process.

I would work on a nightclub for two years but eventually quit as I left back to my hometown. I didn't lift then, I remember though that this time last year I was motivated by a good friend I smoked weed with, to hit the gym and be like him. Get buff and cut, this is when TRP kicked in.

I caught a glimpse of it on American horror story : cult where Kai surfed the sub during his transformation. It looked familiar. (of course, I had visited in the past but I was probably not sober and didn't look deeper to see what trp is)

I started working out more, dressing better, improving my game even further and finally plating (besides ltr or one night stands it would seem impossible and unbelievable to me to get fwb fuck buddies or plating women simultaneously.)

I still smoke weed now and then, I halt for three months then start for a month again. Then halt. It's excruciating...

I had my fair share of trouble yet and even becoming a better man, actually a man, and learnt about titanium frame, abundance mentality, things that pua pussies didn't want us to know or they didn't even know themselves etc. I struggled. My mother's recent death tears me apart every time I think of her. The fact I've let down my parents and owe lots of university exams, lieing to them about substance abuse, makes me think I'm a failure sometimes. I do work my family business which is now registered on my name, I'm 23. I have to work to get money and live. I'm not a kid anymore..

Anyways, this is my story and my troubles up to this day. How can I succeed even further and not hit plateau? I'm thinking about quitting weed altogether for ever, cold turkey, I mean FUCK THIS. This plant along with my irresponsibility fucked me over. And alcohol abuse.

I need input and applicable advice for quickly escaping the loophole I'm in and slowly, like I said success doesn't come overnight, so, slowly overcome my problems and keep evolving. Becoming someone better.

Thanks in advance.