Guys I want to preface this by I had social anxiety disorder in middle school to end of high school, ADD and an anxiety disorder. I used to think I was the shit in middle school until I guess I started acting too out of line and people shunned me, had no friends from middle school until end of high school whilst having social anxiety disorder, could not speak without my voice cracking during class, couldn't look anyone in the eyes and thought everyone was always laughing at me (at this point I was pretty right lawl) I couldn't even walk straight or correctly becuase I was so self conscious.

Until I was 18 or so I met a good group of friends, people who I am still good friends with today and had my first kiss with one girl, lost my virginity to another. She moved away and cheated on me and I was 18 at the time, it killed me I was in the deepest depression ever and just couldn't shake it. Here I am 5 years later, I have dated girls since here and there but never had a serious relationship.

Recently, I had an experience at a local club where I actually made out with a girl at a club and fingered her in her car. For a while after I was walking around like I was the shit, I think I can do anything I'm more aggressive now. But I fear that acting this way will be like how I was in middle school, I'll get out of control and people will once again shun me I have messed up a few times already, pissed some people off and said things out of turn. I tried hitting on girls at a club with some friends recently thinking I still had it, but I don't have it, turns out I kind of blewout hard. A few of my friends (not close) were really embarassed by me, I mean I offered a drunk girl a massage I was drunk too she said ok but the massage stunk, so she told me its ok, is it really that bad of a blowout?

I'm sorry it seems my writing is all jumbled up its just it's been eating me apart lately. I don't know if I'll ever get good at this, or if my blowouts and my more aggresive nature after the recent "victory" is going to lose me friends and put me back to that time in middle school when I had no friends again. I am now 24, I lost my virginity and had my friend girlfriend and kiss at 18 because of reading something similar to this seddit, it was...I think The Game back then. I really want your guys help, people who have been there or done it or is going through it right now I'm reaching out for support and guidance on how to become better not even with just women, but socially. Many thanks seddit.