Background info

I had a shit week. Didn't get the job I really wanted. Stressed the fuck out over current job and looming important decisions. Kinda down on myself. Friday night I had dinner with a platonic female friend and a good workout, and by the time I went home for my shower before going out, I was in state like a motherfucker. Went out and had a rather relaxed night, but still ended up with a #-close. Put me in a great mood for a Saturday night clubbing in Seoul.

Saturday

All week I had been texting people, generating interest in clubbing in Seoul. Every once in awhile there are posts here asking about how to be "that guy" that has crazy high social value who everyone wants to party with. How do you do it? Go fucking do it. Make a plan and invite a hundred people. Invite girls who rejected you. Invite people you know will say no. Invite everybody. Sure, a lot of people will decline, but someone will say yes. Lesson: The key is not texting "What are you doing tonight?" This is the exact opposite of demonstrating social value. Tell them your plan, invite them, and if they don't come, go do it anyway, alone if need be. It's not like you're gonna be having intellectual conversations at the club anyway.

I traveled up to Seoul alone, but met a group of six people, three guys (one being my best friend) and three girls -- HB 9 Chinese, HB 8 Short, HB 7 Hipster. After grabbing some food, everyone is asking each other where we should go. I step in and take the lead. I tell them I know a chill bar that's good for starting slow before going crazy. I'm elected "leader" by the group and walk in front to the bar. Unfortunately, it's packed and there aren't enough seats. No big deal. I saw a sign that said free beer refills across the street, let's check it out. We leave after we find out we need to order food to drink. Someone else suggest a place with $2 tequila shots. Lesson: In a group situation, take the lead. Be the decision maker. Part of this is knowing the area well and understanding the best options. However, if someone else has a legitimate idea, there's no reason to railroad them into doing what you want.

We're the only people in the bar, so we just have a good conversation over a couple beers. I completely understand reason behind the "Don't drink when you go out" mentality, but honestly, it's silly. Yes, getting hammered sloppy drunk will ruin your game, and even if you do close, you probably won't close (whiskey dick). Everything in moderation. Pace yourself.

Whenever possible, I would sexualize the conversation and make strong eye contact with HB Hipster. We seemed to have good chemistry from the get go. An HB 8 (10/10 body, but the face is a little busted) Korean I invited out texts me to see where I am, so I go retrieve her. We have one more drink and bounce. I offer to pay for her drink if she buys the next round. Now, this is the girl I friend-zoned myself with. I've known her about a year, though we've only really hung out a handful of times, and it was our first time drinking together. Usually just have a short text convo every couple weeks to keep in touch.

I lead in the direction of my favorite spot, but once again I'm over-ruled by the three girls and we go to another good club nearby. It's a 200 person capacity club, but when we got there, it was a bit early and there were maybe 30 people there. It was a pretty grim scene as far as entertainment. Everyone was glued to the walls waiting for the fun to start, so I got it started. I show HB Hipster and HB Short where to put up their coats, then get them to dance with me. There's a small raised platform, which we were dancing on, so I pulled them close and put my arms around both of them while we danced. I could feel (and see) everyone's eyes on me, and it just pumped me up even more. Soon, more and more people rolled in, and as it got busier the scene improved and more and more people were dancing.

I noticed HB Korean sitting with her coat on texting, so I left the two HBs to go make her dance. "Hey, you're the most boring person in the club right now. Put the phone away and come dance." Put her coat away and she's wearing a fucking killer dress that shows off her fantastic rack. Target acquired. I split my time between HB Hipster and HB Korean, partly due to lack of decision on my part. HB Korean easily had the best body of any girl I saw all night, but considering how deep in the friend-zone I am/was I evaluated my chances at any kind of close as being quite low. I felt a good vibe coming off of HB Hipster, so I danced with her more.

From here on, for awhile it was just a typical club night. Dancing. Lots of random ten second conversations with people. There were two notable things after this at this club. I got a drink out of HB Hipster. She asked me if I wanted to get a beer.

Me: You buying?

Her: ...You want me to?

Me: Of course! I like a little role reversal now and again.

I also ran the Five Questions Game on HB Korean and scored a drink out of her. The Gotcha! moment at the end is so completely satisfying. It was my first time trying it out and I was a bit skeptical, but it worked and she appreciated it. My guy friends I told about it didn't believe it would work, either, or said it was too cheesy, but I'm a firm believer in it now.

Around 2 AM, I brought up leaving to bounce to another club -- my favorite. All the girls were on board, so we got our shit and left. Unfortunately, as soon as we're out the door, HB Short decides she needs to go home, and the girls leave together. Before they do, I get HB Hipster's number. I opened my phone to the keypad and handed it to her. "Hey. Give me your number. I'm gonna text you naughty things." That goddamn simple.

Once HB Hipster was off the table, I turned all my attention to HB Korean hardcore. We get to the club and it's pumping. Packed and the DJs are rocking some awesome original stuff. Again with the sit down, coat on, texting routine. Unacceptable. I tell her to put her shit away, we stash the coats and start dancing. I started leading her around by grabbing her hand and pushing through to the center of the crowd. It put us all up in each other's business and made kino unavoidable. Before you know it, she's got her butt on my junk and we're grinding. Things are looking good. My hands are all over her. I give her a spin so we're face-to-face and put her hands on my shoulders. She's hooked so I pull her in, slide my hand up the back of her neck, grab the roots of her hair and tug, then say into her ear "You look good enough to eat," and go in for the kiss.

But she pulls away. Didn't see that one coming.

Her: We're friends!

Me: I'm not your friend.

Her: Haha, whatever! We're friends!

Me: Let's be kissing friends.

Despite her resistance, several moments later, she's grinding on me again. Again, I go for the spin to her hands on my shoulder. All goes smoothly. I go for the kiss again, only to have her pull away again. She says something along the lines of how she just wants to dance and I'm just drunk. I can see it's not happening at this point, so I take a couple steps back and end up blowing her off for awhile to enjoy myself dancing.

I run into a dude I met once a year ago in another city, and he buys me a beer, just as she comes back up to me from a whole bunch of dudes hitting on her unsuccessfully. Talk about a DHV. She comes and joins our conversation for awhile. I told her about my game of pretending to be half-Korean, so she tries to convince this guy she's from Ohio, but seeing as how she's never been there she knows shit all about Ohio and it's just a funny situation.

As it got close to 5 AM, the club started to wind down (I know, right? Shit here goes all night.), I gave the kiss one last shot, but got the same old "friends" routine. I told her straight-forwardly that I'm not the "loser" she met a year ago, that I think she's extremely sexy, and that want to take her out on a legitimate date. We bounce to Taco Bell and ended up having an hour long conversation about sex, relationships, etc... Walk to the subway station together then part ways. As my train comes in, we hug and I steal a kiss on the cheek, which got a laugh and playful arm slap.

I texted her again today:

Me (11:30 AM): What I said last night wasn't drunk bullshit. I wanna take you out for real. If you say no, it's okay. I won't ask again. But if you say yes, I'm gonna try to kiss you. ;P

Her (12:50 PM): haha, you just wake up?

Me (1:06 PM): Send me the picture from the bar!

The biggest lesson here from the entire second club is that given proper calibration and levels of comfort, kino and being overtly sexual is not going to scare off or offend a girl, and it doesn't take a year of knowing someone to get to that point either. Whether or not she's interested at all, isn't the point. The point is that you can push a girl pretty far as far as kino escalation, and it's not going to be badly received. Fuck, even if she isn't interested at all, that makes the lesson even more important. If you can have your hands all over a girl, pull her hair, etc... and she doesn't even want to kiss you, imagine how far you can escalate with a girl that is interested.

Lastly, I often see a lot of advice about not "tipping your hand" by showing overt interest in a girl, but I don't think there's anything more alpha than straight up honesty. The "if no, it's okay" comment wasn't a beta way of backing down and saving face, but letting her know that if it's really "no" and not just "not right now", then I'm comfortable enough with myself and confident enough that the rejection won't cause me to react badly. Nor will I continue to beat a dead horse by repeatedly advancing on her if it's truly unwanted attention. Nothing says loser creep like a guy who just doesn't get it. She ignored the question, and so did I.

The Good

  • My state was through the roof, and it's entirely self-created. You having a good time is all about deciding to have a good time. Do whatever you need to do to get there. Listen to some jams. Do some push ups. Put on your war face in the mirror.

  • I was outcome independent as hell. I could've let the rejection get me down, but instead it rolled off my back and I still had a great time. As far as closes, it wasn't even close to last weekend. But a #-close is never something to be disappointed in. I genuinely feel great about last night. I'm actually pretty proud of how honest I was with this girl. Whatever happens, I made my intentions known. Now, I just have to do it faster. Starting a year into the game is pretty late, but honesty is a desirable thing. Now, I'm not going to be anywhere as nervous about being up-front with a girl about what I want right from the get go.

  • I displayed a lot of confidence and leader traits. I was the primary decision maker and mover for much of the night. While at times, other people had a say in what we did, ultimately, I did what I wanted and I brought the other people with me. I did not follow.

The Bad

  • My indecision between HB Hipster and HB Korean early in the night probably kept me from establishing more attraction with HB Hipster. I could've improved on that account. Still, I feel pretty good about the interaction in general, and I'll hit her up the next time I'm in Seoul.

  • I got "tunnel vision" so to speak at the second club, and really invested a lot of time and energy into HB Korean. I could've called the ball game a bit earlier and tried my luck elsewhere.