Reactivity is when one's emotions and thoughts are controlled by external circumstances instead of arising as the expression of one's natural self.

There is a spectrum of reactivity--everyone is reactive at least some of the time.

Circumstances that commonly make people reactive:

  • perceived social pressure (social conditioning, judgments of others...),
  • Stressful, emotional, or intense situations

Why is being reactive associated with negativity?

  • positive emotions/thoughts are likely to be natural; reactive emotions/thoughts are more likely to be negative. -it is possible to express positive reactive emotions too, of course.

Congruence is when your actions and words align with your thoughts and emotions.

Reactivity can sometimes force you to act incongruently in order to maintain a certain appearance (IE, you can't show it every time you get mad, sad, anxious...).

The alternative is to improve your social skills/emotional intelligence so you don't have to pretend. But this may not always be possible.

It is not a good idea to act congruently NO MATTER WHAT, because you will offend/hurt people, cause social friction, reveal too much about yourself, and so on.