Hey all,

So I've recently joined the seddit community and I think its a great place where people are generally helpful and I have already learned a lot, not just about pickup but also about self-confidence, and success.

So far, the three experiences I've had involve: Day game, a bar/dance floor, and a crowded dive bar.

1) Day game

Few things I picked up based on what other people have already talked about.

  • Approach every girl that you find to be pretty. This is a really good way to get over approach anxiety, but also a good way to have a conversation with a girl without immediately encountering their bitch shield.

  • Approach or at least talk to every person casually that doesn't interest you, even if its another guy. This is a big change from what I've always done. I think getting out of my own head and starting situational conversations has dramatically improved my ability to approach and maintain a conversation with people.

  • Find your daily routines that could doubly serve as a way to meet women.

For example, I've had great success in talking to (just talking, haven't gotten #-closes yet) girls while I was ordering pickup from a popular chinese or burmese spot. There is no point in not talking to the cute stranger next to you and they will see it the same way, I guarantee. So I sacked up and just started talking to her and I asked her for menu recommendations, because I had never been there. It was a great way to just get out of my shell.

2) Dance floor

The dancefloor is tricky if you come solo, even if you are a decent dancer. Most friends in my social circles consider me to be a good dancer, but it really didn't matter when it came to meeting new girls.

Things I failed at: trying to dance up on other girls nonchalantly, but while still having AA. It might have been different if I had started grinding up on them without giving a fuck, but because I felt self-conscious about doing something "wrong" or something "creepy," I ended up being that creeper standing behind girls trying to make his move...which they always notice.

Things I learned: - come early, come early, come early. If you get to a venue, you're a noob, and all the girls have already been approached or are in a dancing/makeout session with some other dude, even another AFC, things will be much more difficult and intimidating (making your own approaches even worse).

  • go talk to girls at the bar FIRST. Since I wasn't really dancing with anyone, I gazed around at all the gorgeous women who were "paired off." The main pattern I noticed was that the guy would first talk to them or buy them a drink or whatever (against PUA technique I know) and then take their hand to the dance floor. Unless you're astonishingly confident and good at dancing with strangers, it's better suited to open girls at the bar or girls that look bored and then go rock their world on the dancefloor.

  • Have a smile on yourselves for God's sake. I caught my reflection a few times in various places and I realized I looked like a creep who was just on the hunt. If you smile, squint your eyes a bit, you automatically project (and feel) a more inviting presence.

3) Crowded Dive Bar

Last night, I went to a social gathering event held at a dive bar that happens once every few weeks in the city. I got there early this time and to my astonishment, the place was packed with cute girls. I got better at talking to random girls by going to open, but I could clearly tell when they were not interested, and therefore I nonchalantly moved on to the next group. Going solo, I realized the following things:

Things I fucked up:

  • I talked to one girl for about 10 minutes after which she said she had to leave (it was actually true, she did leave the bar). But when I tried to #-close, she said she would rather add me on facebook. This is the second time this has happened to me, and I'm wondering what I should do in a scenario like this?

  • I was afraid to approach groups of girls greater than 3, because I wasn't sure if I could handle them solo. But I also shied away from groups where the girls were already being talked to by some other guys. I know that I need to fix that and just go up to them anyway. Hell, if I think I'm more interesting and I AM more interesting, it won't matter how long that guy has been talking to her right?

Things I learned:

  • Don't be intimidated by groups of girls and guys. Especially if its a beneficial ratio like 2 girls, 1 guy, or 3 girls, 2 guys. If one of them looks free and single, she PROBABLY IS.

  • Talking to guys will help your confidence at least a little. I talked to one or two dudes who looked chill and just got better at striking up conversations with people I didn't know, which is in itself a big deal for me. Maybe this is a good way to get in state or to just warm up. Baby steps.

  • Keep eye contact and maintain good body language, unless you're leaning on something or taking up space in an alpha-way.

  • Find a way to avoid the dreaded facebook friend request by either saying you don't have a facebook or some other shit. (Still need suggestions on this maybe?)

  • If you have a good time while you're doing this and minimize your expectations, at least you WILL HAVE FUN. This is the most important point I realized over this past week. This is perhaps the core of the idea of "outcome independence."

Enjoy the process, not that number or that k-close or that f-close that seem miles away from your current noob level. Enjoy the process and see it as a process of fulfillment and something you get better at.

You wouldn't go to the gym with the expectation that you're gonna bench your weight for the first time after years of being a lazyass, right? You know you have to build up to it, and as you do get better, you not only enjoy being able to lift a higher load, but also that tight soreness in your chest that you come to love, because even though its pain, its a good kind of pain. Its the kind of pain that represents progress and I'm willing to take any amount of rejections to get to the person I want to be.

Fuck yeah.