I'm in the process of moving to Washington from Florida. I'm a little nervous but mainly excited. My friends here used to be great but as time goes on I've realized that they don't really care for me as they used to. I still use them for social proof. My games been all out of whack lately. 2 years ago I wasn't fucking but had an all time high confidence. Still made bad grades and had no discipline. Last year made worse grades and confidence was really low at a lot of points. This year I got laid for the first time, but I have struggled with these issues for a while. I left some of the greatest friends I've ever had at my old school to hang out with the people who I've known since 5th grade and they immediately stopped caring. By doing this I've also fucked my education. I went from a highly respected private school to a 4/10 public school and have spent the last year and a half wasted. My confidence has been fluctuating this year. I don't really have a drive to talk to girls lately, and I think it's because my testosterone is whack. I feel like it looks like I'm complaining rn but I'm not. I've excepted all of this and I know I need to change it. I'm starting BJJ in Washington, hopefully getting a job, going to the gym daily and getting my grades up. There was a short period of time where I was going to the gym daily but fell into a lazy routine again. My biggest problem is self discipline. I lack it. My parents have neglected to go get my testosterone checked even tho I have suspected for a little over a year and we've been to a psychologist who has also suspected that a lot of my problems stem from that. This brings me to now. I was listening to Dust in The Wind by Kansas on my bathroom floor with the shower running and I just started bawling. I don't know why but I just kept playing music that would make me sad and just bawled. It's not like I was sad going into it. Typing this is making me choke up too, but not enough to get me teary eyed. I think I may have some deep rooted issues.