So here's the thing: I am a genuine AFC, have chronic recurrent oneitis (every year or so) and all of my relationships have happened (see I say happened, I didn't cause them to happen) by girls hitting on me, when I do it I fail more or less every time. Of course I've had my lucky moments but managed to screw them up by being, well, an AFC and never acting when another showed interest. I only had a girlfriend who I was REALLY in love with once, and that lasted for a year, possibly the best year of my life... That was 10 years ago... Now I haven't been celibate but my love life is very very slow...

But what triggered me to make another account and post here? This thing which happened the last weekend.

I have a lot of female friends and I think on average I like spending time with them, sometimes more than with male friends. So last Saturday I was at a friend's house with another friend, both women. They were having a blast, talking about their sex lives and men so casually that I felt castrated, like I am one of their girlfriends and not a man. I realised a lot about myself that night and wanted to vent a bit.

First thing I realised is that I am a coward: I spend time with women because they don't antagonize me, not straight at least. What they do is hear everything I say, compliment whatever I do but in the back of their heads I feel I am a MAJOR AFC. Not that I was attracted to them or they are doing it consciously, I consider both real and valuable friends. See male friend will just call me out on bullshit, we might argue a bit and then at least I get something to think about, with women they will either quietly agree and thus reinforce my bullshit. People need to be challenged in order to progress. Am I progressing? NO! So this is reason number one.

The second thing is: women filled my head with bullshit, I mean real crap, dung, feces. I used to believe that by hanging out with women a lot I will learn some inside info which will in turn help me get girlfriends. No, a resounding no. Women will say what they fantasize as a great man or a great date and tell me about it and when I tried to do exactly that I would lose to a more ballsy guy with a snappy line and attitude, kudos to him. So I decided that they are bullshitting themselves as much as me, they dream of something and this either doesn't exist OR it is easy-good so it is worthless. Of course when the ballsy guy becomes a total bastard they come crying to...who else...me. And I will listen because that's what friend do right? Wrong. That's what people who are really not that altruistic do because they see a gain somewhere. Maybe they will tell their friends something good right? Wrong again! I'm not that sour, yet. People do listen to their friends, many have listened to me as and I have too without a gain anywhere but this specific area is wrong I believe.

Part of this rant came from reading some stuff about "nice guys" not being so nice at all really, more like very frustrated by trying to please in the hope that some of that pleasure will trickle down eventually. Wrong again. The thing is I am successful professionally so what the hell? The professional world is far harder so why do I not roll over in defeat there? Maybe I should begin applying some of the same principles..

/rant over

Friday soon!