So yes, I'm drunk, which is probably why I'm deciding to show my face in these parts of reddit.

Anyway I've been lurking, reading up on all the do's and don't's, and I just realized something that hurts quite a bit.

A little bit about me first: I'm on my way from transitioning from beta to alpha. I'm not a bad looking guy, a few girls are completely infatuated by me, even in my seemingly beta ways. I've been doing everything that I can to become more alpha, I started lifting regularly, started dedicating myself to rugby more, and above all else, been reading up on your tactics. I get laid just about whenever I want mind you of course the girls are about 6's and 7's. I've gone through quite a bit lately, the most influential was my attempted suicide ( you can thank the local police department for saving my life and cutting me down.) That was a real epiphany for me, that's when I started trying to change my life. I started off with small things like heading to the gym once in a while, getting my life started since my depression. I've changed quite a bit since then, the red pill has influenced me tremendously. I've gone from hating my existence to loving myself, yet there's still one thing that I hate myself for, one thing that haunts me, and that's my ex.

Now I know what you're thinking "Oh he's just a beta that hasn't had a good woman or hasn't gotten enough poon." The thing is, this subreddit taught me that my ex was exactly every red-pillers dream, she's a red pill woman in a sea of feminists. I managed to push away a woman that loved me for every damn thing I was, she served my hand and foot because it made her feel good to please me, she's the text book unicorn everyone searches for. I've gone through professional therapy, still am, and I'm on 5-HTP to combat my depression, but I still hate myself for losing her. I haven't met any other girl that's any where near as good as she was, no woman has caught my eye like she has, no woman has made me feel the same. It's been close to a year since our break up, and I'm still hung up on her. So all you fellow red pillers, this is my plea to you for help. I've done everything I can think of to get over her, no amount of pussy, no amount of aclohol, no amount of anything has helped. This is my final barrier that's keeping me from achieving total happiness, so I thought I'd thought I'd give you all a try.

Sorry for my rambling but I've finally felt confident enough to post here, I wrote things as they came out. It feels good to finally get this off my shoulders.