I've always been extremely frightened to ask people for things, tell people how I feel about things, and consequently talk to women in a genuine manner. This post may sound unrelated at times, but bear with me.

Today, I think I realized why this fear of failure and rejection (and probably many other guys) is so ingrained in my mind.

Some background: I'm a university student and still live with my parents during summer break. Anyways, today my father was completely inconsiderate of my schedule which I had been reminding him of for the past few days. I ended up arriving late for my appointment because of him; Yes, I understand self-responsibility is important but I couldn't get out of this one.

Well, I told him how I felt in the most respectful way possible by asking him if next time he could be more understanding with my schedule the next time around. There was no demand at all by me.

Anyways, he went off in the most defensive manner possible just because I asked this question. He started attacking me verbally by saying his time is more important than mine. He started calling me a big shot and a host of other things... just because of this one question.

This has been my entire life with my father in a nutshell, and now I am starting to believe that my sense of integrity has been stripped away because of this. I've never been able to say what I wanted or how I felt without feeling guilt or wrongness due to the responses I would get from my father.

Now, I do take full responsibility for making all repairs on the damage that has been done on myself, but it took me a while to realize where the problem was originating from.

I think our origins of fear of rejection, failure, and authenticity come from many things and it depends on who you ask. It could be that you got bullied more than most in grade school. It could be that your culture valued one to shutup and just take shit from elders. For me, I think my dad was where I learned the false beliefs that people will tear me apart if I open up to them or tell them how I feel.

In effect it's up to us to mentally overcome these false beliefs we have had embedded into ourselves by others. Unfortunately, we have all been allowed to be embedded with these by ourselves as well- it's a 2 way street. Ultimately, I think it is vital to take full responsibility once you have become fully aware of it. There's no use in blaming others for what you have falsely learned. All you can do it change on your own. What is done is done.

I think once we pinpoint where and how we learned that most people, and most importantly women, will most likely not get pissed if we are real with them, then we can really start to make an honest and highly directed effort towards becoming men of integrity.

I feel like this is so entirely connected and related to seddit and may hit home for many men...