Hey, seddit! 20 year old guy posting here for the first time. I just realized that there is one problem I have with girls. I never know what I want, or maybe more specific, I don't actually want to know what I want. And I always think too far. I'm not naturally a flirty type, unless I really like a girl or get a good connection. From time to time it happens that I see a girl and really get caucht up. I feel it, I WANT HER, or do I? An example from this weekend: I was on a reuinion at a "school"(not really a school, more like a year off). And there was a girl there from this year that I couldn't stop looking at. I didn't have anything to do with her, so I didn't do anything. It's easy to do nothing, almost as easy as it is to make excuses for it. "This place is 4 hours away from where I live, I don't even know where she wants to go next year." "I'm not here for long enough, it's not worth the try. All the guys here are months ahead of me." So it went like that all weekend, and it wasn't like I didn't have chances to talk with her, just that any reason not to seemed better. Then I went home, good choice, man, what if you fell for eachother and your life became a mess. Truth is, holding back like that isn't healthy at all, it seems that it's the surest way to fall for someone, or at least falling for the idea of them. To be honest, there was nothing that weekend I wanted to do as much as to just straight out ask her on a date for whatever dumb reason I could come up with. Nothing to lose, right? Here comes the problem, althought I do recognize that my excuses are probably a result of being afraid to try, I really didn't know what I want. I was in love with the idea of being with her, but had no idea where it should take me, and that, I think explains the main problem. I overthink everything. Because: Did I need it to take me anywhere? And more importantly, did I need to know what that would be? You know the answer, I was there for fun and to meet people. She was beautiful and seemed really nice. I wanted to meet her. Maybe to get to know her? No, I just wanted to meet her, I didn't really need a reason at all. It could go anywhere from there. Instead I used my time thinking about reasons, and came up with a million reasons not to.

On the other hand: Some time ago, I made a tinder account. Matched with some girls and started texting. I didn't really know if I was interested in them, but we had swiped each other right, and it would be pointless without writing anything. Although the conversations all started nicely, they fastly became stale and awkard, or just an exchange of jokes. Why? I didn't know what I wanted, and in that case. I really didnt'. I mean, I found all of them attractive, and they all lived close to me, but I just couldn't bring myself to initiate anything, because I just didn't know what I wanted anymore. It just became an exercise in keeping pointless conversations going. But why? It seems to be a rule to me, at some point I just don't know what to do anymore. But I believe it's more my subconsciousness telling me that to avoid uncomfortable situations. After all, It gives me nothing but regret, regret of not doing something I didn't want to do. And even if I did. The next excuse would be that I don't know what to do. And it would be true, for then...