My Approach

I am an average looking guy. In pictures alone, people do not rate me very highly, but in person I have a presence that a lot of people tell me is very unique. I wanted to share a little about how I approach people (not just women) by trying to dissect what it is I do. It's going to be largely stream of consciousness so bear with me on this, but it will go somewhat like this.

1. Pre-Approach
2. The Approach
3. Extras

Mental Approach - This is very important because it sets the tone and strengthens your ability to engage a person effectively. For me, I have utterly ingrained in my personality an outlook that I bring to every interaction - I view the person I'm approaching as VERY LUCKY to get to interact with me. I know to my core that my opinion matters, and that what I have to say is interesting. It doesn't matter if I am meeting a famous person, someone who objectively is more important than me, a girl I'm interested in, a person that has 100X more experience in some area. Why? For one, it is true (just as I'm lucky to be involved in their life). Second, this gives you courage to state opinions and perspectives that are interesting that will grab that persons attention. It is circular in concept. I could go in depth as to why this is so, but the shortened version is that people in general want to connect, they want to feel, they want to be part of something interesting. Every interaction you have with someone is a chance to bring that to them, and people (girls for people with "the game" focus) tend to be attracted to one who can bring that in their life. It is a law of nature that when you are approaching someone, the person being approached possess a slightly higher balance of power between you two. People engage with someone for a reason. When approaching women, the power lies in the woman's hands because there is a tacit understanding that you want to engage them because you are interested in them for some reason - they know it, you know it - and so you are in a sense, asking for their recognition or approval of you, and that's where AA comes into play. If you approach thinking that they are lucky to be meeting you, however, you can shift the balance.

The Approach - I'm not a huge fan of canned openers, but one of the absolute best ways to approach someone if you can't find something that seems very natural is to say, "hey, have we met?, I'm ellsworth, I live off X street." You should make variants of that and you have very natural feeling openers. The entire purpose of the approach is to get past people's natural defensive barrier. IMMEDIATELY AFTER they greet you, start sharing your perspective on ANYTHING, doesn't matter what it is. Remember the concept of people being lucky to interact with you? Tell them why you are having a shitty day but compare that to an awesome day you just had recently. Tell them why you are having an amazing day and ask them what their last awesome day was. Tell them how you just moved to the city, you lived in the city your whole life, you are from another planet - doesn't matter. The concept is you share you existence, and then you ask them about theirs.

When they answer questions you ask, do 1 of 2 things:

1) Ask another question that requires them to evaluate more deeply what they just answered or;

2) Expand on the concept they answered with and associate that concept with some experience you have had or your personal perspective on the topic.

Post-Approach - So you have successfully introduced yourself and you are having a conversation with the girl/guy. These are some things to focus on:

• Ask non-superficial questions

Take superficial questions out of your repertoire. Try and avoid "what is your major," "where do you work," etc. Try and get deep as fast as possible. It's a little more complex than this....but the difference between your best friend and the random stranger is the level of comfort you have with each other. Part of that comfort is the extent of sharing each others personal lives, and thus trust, you have with each other. I have a very good record of being able to connect with people very quickly. Ever wonder why some people you can meet from day one and you somehow have a level of intimacy that you don't even have with your co-workers that you've known for years? Part of it comes from mutual understanding between people and that can be achieved through getting past the superficial exterior that people build. Ever notice common phrases like, "nice to meet you," "how are you doing," literally have ZERO meaning outside of a greeting. The words themselves mean something but they mean utter shit to your brain. The same thing happens in conversations - get out of that zone by asking bold questions fast and early in the conversation. Take risks that you may offend someone. A great way to open up peoples barriers to personal questions is to SHARE YOURSELF first. I love to segway a natural conversation into stories about myself that touch past the superficial and scratch at who I am. When you ask a personal question in return, the other person is more likely to reciprocate.

• Listen Listen Listen -

People love to talk. Let them, learn about them, and use the information you gain to craft interesting conversational pieces. But don't become a doormat.