Context:

  • Just out of highschool and into uni
  • Virgin but still talk to girls regularly
  • Social Anxiety but attend parties when possible

Went to a small gathering of friends (20 or so) a few nights ago, social anxiety wasnt hitting me too hard once I started drinking. Anyway for a couple weeks prior I had been talking to this girl (whom I am really attracted to but find it hard to do anything with cos bf) from my primary school whom I had seen around recently. It was casual, light flirting nothing too intense. So we end up deciding that we will be drinking buddies for the night since it was the first time I was going to get actually drunk. So I drive her, another friend and myself there. Jokes in the car, everything was chill. I had been planning to try to make any gains with her that i could. We arrive and swiftly begin to drink. I commence kino as soon as possible and as much as possible (within reason obviously). I progress quickly but in my drunken state I didn't even know that I was doing so. I was on autopliot if you will. I flirt, she flirts you know how it goes. A couple times during the night we press our foreheads together meaning we were super close. And like I said I was drunk but I knew that she had a bf and didn't want to cause shit between the two of them (he wasn't at the party). So this continues but I cant tell/wasn't thinking about kissing her even tho im super attracted to her. Yeah I know Im a complete idiot, I dont get it either. So the night comes to an end without us kissing, didnt think too much about it until the morning. When I wake up my phone is lit up with people saying that I could/should of kissed her or done even more. And it hit me; the most powerful emotion I have felt in a long time; regret. Im being serious, still to this day Im feel like Ive been hit by a truck. It physically hurts when I think about what i could of done/what I missed out on. So what Im trying to tell anyone who wants to hear it, is what my friend tells me every time I go to a party but always seem to forget. 'When in doubt whip it out' seems crude but its true. When you have an opportunity like this you grasp it with two hands and take it wholeheartedly. Dont think about it you're not here to think, just do it. You will regret more things you dont do than things you do do. Sure it could of gone horribly wrong and she never speaks to me again but now I will never know. As I sit here in my regret and depression filled chair I come to you all and plead you to heed my advice. I made this mistake you shouldn't.

TL;DR

  • Cute HB8 friend and I are drinking buddies
  • Progress quickly while drunk
  • She clearly wanted something to happen but i couldn't tell while I was drunk, also was I scared of hurting her relationship with her bf
  • Nothing happens and I regret it so much that I feel like Ive been punched in the stomach

Pls pls dont do what I did. If you want to do something do it no hesitation, no thinking just 'whip it out' (only if its consensial obviously)

BRB crying myself to sleep cos I dun fucked up. Long post is long.

Semi-relevant: http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck#3F9GM3:vgxy