This is a small epiphany I had while meditating, on the edge of getting one-itis. It presents the common advice about not trying to look for ways to seduce one particular girl in a point of view that I personally didn't see before. If it's painfully obvious, or doesn't have much of a value, honestly I don't give a fuck, I'm just typing this to be able to express it in a coherent manner and not to base myself in a fleeting impression I momentarily got on my head. Nevertheless, all comments are welcome.

So anyone who asks a question like "How can I seduce this particular girl?" often gets the answer "You can't. Drop the matter and start on improving yourself as a whole." It's a very valid statement, albeit one that might be hard to get on your head, especially if you're also going through the emotional rollarcoaster that is putting someone on a pedestal.

What many people don't realise is that turning the reasoning upside down is equally valid. You can't learn tactics in the hopes that it will work on one particular person, you have to learn them for everyone. You can't change yourself in order to improve your relationship with one particular person, you have to change yourself for everyone.

Allow me to explain. There's the "Wait" tactic that became popular again very recently in this sub, and I also read it and thought about applying it. The problem was that I read it before meeting this girl (not related with the edge of oneitis problem, I try to keep multiple options exactly to avoid that position) and I was obviously reading to use it on her. Thing is, I never did. Because while reading it, I didn't read it with the intention of using it on any opportunity that might arise. I just read it in the hopes of using it in a few minutes as we would be having a private moment (for study-related reasons, but nevertheless).

Or there's this other girl whose opinion I started fearing (especially due to the rumours about us dating that appeared in the campus, I let the public opinion really create an expectation on me that turns into putting the person on a pedestal). Now I realise that the situation is getting weird since I'm starting to act self-consciously and not being my true self. I've been reading Mark Manson's blog recently and of course one suggestion is that I should be more vulnerable. I tried applying that a bit and I ended up getting what Mark refers to as "emotional vomit" - years of pent-up, needy emotions inadvertently rise when I try to be vulnerable. But now that I think about it, maybe the problem isn't that I was trying to be vulnerable and had internal neediness-related problems; I was, once again, trying to be vulnerable to this particular girl. That's not possible. You're either cocky/funny to everyone or you're not. You're either vulnerable to everyone or not. You're either flirting, using sexual humour etc. on everyone or you're not. The moment you try to do these to someone in particular, they won't work because those actions haven't become a part of your true self.

So this is the idea in a nutshell. Don't bother on the individual examples, they're just there to illustrate the point (in fact, I think I'm getting a more skewed view the more I over-analyse them, so I'll just leave them the way they are).