Be prepared this is a long one.

My problem starts to when I was about 10/11. I used to have a decent sized group of friends. I was looked up to, and people generally hung on every word I had to say because I was a lot more mature than everyone else. I was also generally more knowledgeable about a lot of things than everyone else; I was the group's "elder" per-say even though I was the youngest out of everyone.

I was bullied a lot though because of my weight (i was always a big kid despite being heavily active), and this conditioned me to have low self esteem, low self respect, etc. I did the whole "scene" look and tried cutting myself once but noped the fuck out of that because it was fucking retarded. Between 6-8th grade I finally got sick and tired of everything. I hated my life. I hated being put down and not being in with the cool kids, so I took control. I started fighting back and beating up all of my bullies, and reciprocated their behavior back onto them, or people who thought they could pull one over onto me.

This garnered me a fucktonne of respect, and I mean a lot. All of my bullies were now getting to know me and actually thought I was a pretty cool kid. However, during November of my 8th grade year I found out that we were moving, and now I had to start all over. I lost touch with all my old friends and had nobody but myself. Going into the first day at my new school, I talked to everyone, said hi to everyone.. I introduced myself to everybody I saw. This worked out really well and had people reserving spots for me at their lunch table. However, nobody ever wanted to hang out the entire year (I even started to get bullied again, but that was more into high school), along with the next 4 years of high school. I even joined the football team freshman year and started lifting weights, but nobody wanted to hang out outside of school. Depression took over again and now I'm miserable as fuck.. again..

As of April last year, I've been trying to swallow the pill and hang up my white knight armor (I'm in deep with the White Knights, but I also have a deep mentality for TRP and being all about myself and doing what's good for me, it's a wierd mix of both). I started going to the gym, eating healthy, and I lost 45 pounds. Sadly, I went on vacation from work and just lost my motivation to keep going. Good news is, I've kept the weight off; haven't gained a single pound.

I've been called an Armchair General, and the name has kind of grown on me. I like to read a lot about all different types of things. I've read about seduction, TRP, politics, cooking, and science things. I used to debate heavily with people during the '08 elections (US) up until the '12 election. I play games a lot during my free time because I'm not home usually from 11am-1030pm M-Sun, so that's all I really have time to do besides HW. This has garnered me a lot of interwebz friends.

Recently, as part of getting back on the horse and getting my shit together, one of the guys at work who seems to be pretty into the RP mentality has been helping me, and we've been identifying problems with myself. One of them, is that I get no respect at home, and having been bullied a lot, I have defenses the size of the Seigfried Line to protect myself from it happening again. I take this out onto the people I meet on the internet, and also people I meet in life by being a real hard ass. I'll sit there and belittle you and break you down until you have respect for me and know your place that I'm not to be fucked with or I'll go apeshit on you (I honestly have 0 fucks to give for the consequences. I'd honestly fight somebody if I found out where they lived because I'm currently so depressed and just don't care).

If they give me the respect that I deserve, then I'll tone it down and act like a normal human being. I become a real value giver and entertain them by listening to their problems and offering solutions to them. I've even introduced some of the guys to seduction techniques and TRP theory (where the armchair general in me comes in). I also love to help people out because I'm a real cynical person and I'll use the information I gather about their problems to use against them if need be. If you don't respect me and continue to try and fuck with me after I've pretty much verbally assaulted you to hell, I'll just walk away and forget you ever existed (surprisingly have to do this less than you'd expect).

Another problem that I have is that I fucking hate people. I despise them. Mostly because of my bullying, but another is because of the people I work with. Since I have a little amount of friends, I try to become friends with everyone at work (leaving that berating bullshit at home). I act like a normal person and smile and actually try to get to know them. I'll ask where there from, what grade they're in, what they're studying, etc. I'm a really friendly person towards them because I work with them so to be a dick and see them every day isn't very smart. The problem is, after building up rapport with them and getting to know them, I'll ask them to hang out, get their numbers to set things up (both girls and guys), and EVERYONE BAILS. Doesn't matter what it is, even when I tried throwing a party, everyone bailed.

This has caused me to resent a lot of people and hate wanting to try and actually get friends/meet more people. So I need help fixing all of this, lol.

TL;DR: Cynical, manipulative, narcissistic, depressed 20 year old needs help