This weekend for the first time in a lifetime of feeling hopeless and desperate with women, I know I'm going to make it, so I thought I'd write a little bit to remind all the guys here that if you put in the work pick-up can be learned and with time and effort you can learn how to connect with women romantically. I always doubted in the back of my mind if I could be the kind of guy that really succeeds with girls - I just want to let you all know it's a long road, but it can be done. I'm writing this primarily because I hope I can give a little hope to all those guys just like me who I feel so much empathy for, us who didn't naturally "get" how to talk to girls. Game has always been around, but it used to not matter. For the overwhelming majority of human history it wasn't necessary to forming meaningful relationships with women, as men would just be pointed towards through the girl in their community and later on any fundamentally decent guy with a good career could find a good girl to share his life with. That is no longer the world we live in - if you want to form relationships with girls (which for me, is a basic part of living a good life) you must learn some game. I'm also writing this to put my own thoughts down, and - let's be honest- the quality on this sub isn't great these days.

Like most of the guys reading this, hitting on girls never came naturally to me (I suspect it's because my father wasn't around when I was growing up, but who cares now). For years it was a vicious cycle - the guys who had a little natural game got to practice it starting it in as young teens, and got better, and guys like me stayed clueless. I am absolutely no master or even good at this yet, but I do feel feel like my eyes have been opened to a different side of the world. If you would show the girls results of this weekend to the me of two years ago I honestly think he might have broken down and cried. If you would have showed it to the me of a year ago, I would have been so incredibly happy that the journey I had taken the first tentative steps on was showing results. This Friday I took a girl I'd been talking to out on Friday night and on a particularly mediocre date ( coffee --> ice cream ---> walking around) ended up getting head on a fucking bench somewhere the first time I was out with her alone at night. Saturday, I went to an event and had a girl approach me and ask to dance (I wasn't trying to talk to girls there; I don't know if I'll ever be the kind of guy that's always "on" to spit) and then as I was leaving, a girl I had k-closed at a party a month or so ago texted me to see what I was up to. I ended up not seeing her and going to a different party and met a girl there. Within an hour and a half of meeting I had her naked in a room literally begging me to fuck her. Now none of this is !IMPRESSIVE! I absolutely do not consider myself to be particularly skilled at pickup yet (and yes it is a skill, treat it as such) but for the first time in my life I feel like I'm going to make it.

I promise for a long time I was just as unsuccessful as the least successful guy on this board. I danced (grinded, w/e) with a girl for the first time my goddamn spring of senior year high school. I kissed a girl for the first time a couple of weeks after that, and got head for the first time a couple of months after. I successfully asked a girl out for the first time in my life fall of my freshman year of college, and had my first ever f-close that spring. From just pounding the pavement and being an approach monkey I brought back a couple of other (very) mediocre bar girls that spring. This summer is when it started to come together for me, as I've had mini-relationship or hook-ups with five girls, most of whom I met and gamed when we were both sober. Before this summer I never really understood how people would be able to just ask girls to dances or whatever - as weird as that sounds - I get it now - I never fucking talked to girls! I'm not saying I'll always have a date, in fact I feel due for a dry streak sometime soon. But I'm always going to have girls I can at least ask.

How did I get here? I was a lonely fat boy in middle school without friends, and needless to say I had little interaction with the fairer sex at all. I got to high school and made friends through sports, and was at least socially around some girls. But I got rejected the first two times I tried to show interest early on in high school, and my fragile psyche let me do the worst thing possible - I stopped trying. I reached senior, with a hidden but deep shame of my utter lack of experience with girls. It was a little into my senior year when I made my first tentative steps into the pick-up community by browsing some online material and purchasing Models. MY confidence w/r/t anything female was still pathetically low - my best friend's girlfriend set me up with one of her friends for prom, a girl who was obviously into me. But I didn't make a move on my goddamn PROM DATE (notably also the first time I ever went to anything with a date). This was my big kick in the ass - I just forced myself to get real drunk and start approaching girls at parties. Haltingly I had my first bits of success - my first dance, my first kiss, the first time a girl ever touched my junk. Those small drunken victories built up the modest foundation of confidence I'd needed, and I was able to begin making a real effort to get girls.

What did I do to improve my personal attractiveness? I lost 45 lbs. over the course of a couple years from my highest weight, paid more attention to how I dressed, and figured out what hairstyle worked for me. I did get genetically lucky in a couple ways - I'm tall, and I have decent facial aesthetics (no model for certain though). But without exception: getting fit and figuring out your style will do wonders for anyone. Socially I made a concerted effort to be around my friends who are also motivated to meet girls. It helps so much to be with a group of guys who bring around girls you're expected to hit on. (sidenote: social proof is HUGE. always choose a house party over a bar).

In terms of the more pick-upy sort of stuff I'm not huge on it. A lot of the "best practices" I don't really do, ex. playful teasing or shoving is something I do very rarely. Very little is universal; but there are two absolutes every guy must become comfortable with if he wants to be seriously successful with women. You must be comfortable approaching, and you must teach yourself to kino. Approaching is really difficult for guys like me (and I'd assume most of the dudes reading this) and I used to literally get cold sweats at the thought of cold approaching a girl, but there's no getting around it. If you want to meet girls, you must approach. I promise it gets easier every time you do it. On the subject of kino, say it with me now: KINO OR DIE. KINO OR DIE. KINO OR DIE. KINO OR DIE. KINO OR DIE. The idea of unsolicited touching of a girl felt incredibly scary and uncomfortable to me for a damn long time - I still have to really really force myself to do it when I'm sober. It terrified me for years, but there's no getting around it. There is no better catalyst for hooking-up then putting your arm around a girl, on her lower back, her arm, whatever, earlier in the night. If you don't believe me, please just watch a guy you know who has a lot of success with girls talk to one. I promise you he will be touching her far far more than you would normally be comfortable with. Once more: KINO OR DIE.

As far as learning resources go, they are certainly valuable, but I suspect many here are like me in that they will procrastinate by over-intellectualizing the issue and just trying to read a little bit more before putting yourself out there. There is no substitute for approaching. That said, my go-to books are Mark Manson's Models and Roosh's (his politics are kind of nutty, but I'm able to ignore it) Bang. I find they complement each other quite nicely. Manson has some excellent lifestyle advice and provides some sorely-needed guidance on finding a "niche" (I've had a lot of success as an intellectual (lol) who still knows how to party. Honestly, if I see a girl doesn't care about education or is super anti-drinking or pot, I'll just walk away because I'm almost certain I'm wasting my time) , but he tends to slip into truisms and can stray away from why I'm reading him - pick-up. Roosh offers a lot more prescriptive advice than Manson and is more upfront about the time-consuming and numbers-game nature of pick-up, but he his perspective is narrow in a way that Manson's isn't. Whenever I have absolutely nothing to do, I'll read a couple of pages in those to stay fresh on core concepts. As for other resources, I've found some of the RSD field videos to be useful in reinforcing some of the central aspects of game, particularly in loud boozy settings. And IMO be wary of places like TRP. There's some good advice in there, but there's a strong undercurrent of women hatred, which is just...strange. But please don't overcomplicate things - the best advice I ever got was from a college buddy when I was whining about a dry streak. He asked me "How does anyone get to Carnegie Hall?" I thought for a couple seconds, and realized the answer was simply "practice, practice, practice." You have to think of game like that - there is simply no substitute for going out there and doing your best.

Closing Notes? I hope I didn't come off as too preachy, but I fear I may have. I am a loooooong way from being actually good at this - I wait for the most obvious IOI's, I'm still shitty with kino, and I'm pathetically timid on following up with girls. The majority of guys with natural game would probably still look at me as a bumbler. And please, be less afraid of the creepy name-calling, because when you hit on an unreceptive girl (as you often will) that's gonna be her word a lot of the time. OF COURSE, there is legitimately creepy behavior out there, but quite often it's just used to describe "guy who came onto me who I found unattractive." Remind yourself if you're anything like me or most guys in our shoes, you've spent most of your life being hyper-timid and and anxious towards women - if anyone will be conscious of legitimately creepy behaviour, it would be you. And ask around - I think a lot of people would be surprised at some of the borderline legitimately creepy stuff a lot of guys who have a ton of success with girls pull. Finally, please remember - the core principles of the pick-up community are sound, and if you truly want it you can do it - good relationships with the fairer sex are just too important to not strive towards. There are so many great guys who 1, absolutely deserve good experiences with women and 2. have everything a woman is looking for but that ability to draw and keep her attention. It's true women sexually select for a lot of traits that might not always be indicative of great character, but don't you dare get bitter or angry about this. I don't think there is anyone who I feel more for, or who has it harder in the dating marketplace, than girls who by no fault of their own were born with ugly faces (I feel bad even saying that, but...) In the same way you would never begrudge yourself or any guy for going after a girl who was effortlessly born pretty, don't get angry over who women choose. We're the luckier gender - in a very real sense we have control over our destiny that sadly women in many cases do not.

tl;dr holy shit this ended up being long. I honestly don't mind if no one reads this, as it was as much a personal outpouring than anything else. If anyone did read it, I hope you were able to find something of some value in it.

ADDENDUM: On alcohol and game. So I know it's probably best if you never use it as a crutch, but I don't know if I'd ever been able to start approaching if I wasn't able to drink away the horrible nervousness. I used it as a crutch for a long-time, and still do occasionally (much, much less so though). I needed it to take the first couple baby steps, and so I would say if you feel like you really need a couple (or more) drinks to hit on girls, I couldn't begrudge anyone that. Just remember you're using it as a crutch, and wean yourself off it.