I will try to keep my story as short as possible but there is a lot of detail to it.

I was raised by an emotionally unstable father who had a mediocre job and was hardly around when I was growing up. Had a mother that was abusive, crazy, and had a host of other problems. Parents sent me to a shitty high school in the violent part of town where the girls were mostly "hood" and ugly (think Worldstar Hiphop type of girls) and there were no fun house parties or anything. Decided to grind it out, focus on grades and test scores, got accepted to a few colleges.

Being the blue pilled pussy I was at 17, I let my overbearing parents talk me into commuting to college to help save them money and scholarships were hard to come across for me. Father forced me into a major I had no interest in but being that he was intimidating, abusive to me growing up, I gave in. Miserable during my first two years of college studying what I didn't want, had a curfew while commuting, and always arguing with my god awful parents. Grades suffered and I was depressed while others my age were away to college having an amazing time...

Transferred schools at 20 and did all I could to make up for lost time but by then, all of the social circles had formed. Only friends I could get were religious kids who were against drinking and partying (I am in the south). Too far along to decide changing a major so I went into my tough major.

I graduate college soon and I missed out on dorm life, the college experience, partying, casual sex, and all of that stuff. No fancy spring breaks or anything of the sort for me.

My entire mind is obsessed with making up for lost time for the rest of my life. My entire life's goals, efforts, and everything are focused on building a life that consists of a lot of partying, a lot of drinking, and a lot of casual sex (let STDs or whatever happen, I don't care).

All my life revolves around is somehow finding a way to get that experience of a life that consists of partying, drinking, and fucking random sluts. My focus is 100% set on making up for those lost years, getting a lot of friends, sleeping with lots of girls, and partying and drinking a lot.

Therapy hasn't helped. I just have this hungry desire for that kind of life and will do just about anything humanly possible to get it.