It builds rapport if you speak confidently regardless of how redonkulous your rhymes. Had too much to drink and after a compulsive decision I found myself at another pub.

And then another. Had the uber on stand by told him if I'm not back in 10 mins to just roll out. The gig was simple just go in on offense, stag, with JD running through my blood. Rap to the first approachable set. He laughed and wished me luck. Just to b stupid I said fuck luck for warmups.

To me, cringe has always been a hurdle to overcome when approaching. Alcohol helped but I'm still going to have to try this sober at some point. In any case...I shit the bed and tanked the objective while stumbling back to the Audi for round two.

This is where the night changed and a second wave of inspiration sparked. Audi bro relented to be my wing through his misguided intrigue. I told him to turn around that instant, we're going to a spot I was at last week (see other post).

We're at the door and I set the scene in motion as an audience of maybe 15 ppl hear and the set a floor above us on the smoking patio. AUDI bro is scrambling for his license to hand the bouncer and I'm literally calling for shots from just outside the entranceway. Bouncer ain't buy it and runs the whole "how much have you had tonight?" Bullshit. I calm down so I don't blow our cover before we set foot inside.

Enter bouncer from my last post. He smirks and proceeds to buy two rounds of chilled JD, shit I was calling for at the door. By now we stick out like a soar thumb and I need a dart. AUDI bro follows to the second floor patio.

It was dead for a three story joint so it was go-time when the set was still out there smoking. Log story short, I bomb again. And then again. Such bitternes. Lo behold AUDI bro picks up the figurative mic I fumbled, brushes off the pieces of cringe and bits of despair, and...

Bombs..both of us just destroyed in our attempt at wit. We're about to go but the girl asks for a cig. Her friend pulls one out but she wanted to try an American Spirit (expensive ass cigs). Cue akward convo about what they were in school for.

The dialogue and atmosphere got so dry I literally became sober enough to drive AUDI bro's car back to my apt

I try one more time. I wanna rap-battle them (2v2), and with out their permission I start. It was literally the sequel to 8 mile.

"Why they so straight-edge, convo so dull got me thinking (pause)...jump over this ledge?

Hell naw, rather take you to the bathroom stall, whip my dick out and teach you how to ball. I'm starting to see it all. You want my spirit but not your friend's menthol.

You're a clown, out with one friend like "Girl's night out!!!"

She laughed and her friend slapped her shoulder clearly pissed. No one responded but AUDI bro distracted jealous friend while me and the target "went to get shots".

After two rounds she wanted another cig but I shut it down and asked " you're place or mine?" She looked at me puzzled. I pointed to the adjacent bathroom signs.

Who knew the girl's bathroom had couches in it?

MFW AUDI bro had to take an uber home