Greetings,

Having just become an alpha male, I intend to share a report from my most recent mission to secure a female to sample the fruits of my loins.

I was on my way to procure a bottle of Mommessin Beaujolais (which I intended to enjoy with my Disney Dark Chocolate Covered Pretzels - a brand that I buy solely on account of its taste blending well with the wine) when I spotted a female that I deemed worthy enough of applying for a position in my harem. She was loading items into her car while I contemplated the potential angles through which I could come at her, when I spotted a pack of diapers in her cart. "So desu ne" I thought to myself, realizing that if she is willing to savor another man's fromage, she must be an easy target.

I slowly approached her, pulling the brim of my hat down over my eyebrows so as to conjure up a sense of mystery, and made my move. "You look like you don't read a lot of books" I said, employing an advanced move known as a "neg." I could tell that her feigned expression of fear and surprise was a weak attempt at masking the fact that her loins were preparing for the entry of a real man. "Don't worry doll, I'll make this easy for you" I continued, dropping an おみくじ (o-mikuji for the dull-witted reader) containing my contact information in the format of a website URL that can only be accessed by solving a riddle - a tactic that I use to weed out the... shall we say intellectually challenged females (which unfortunately applies to most of them).

It seems that this particular female fell prey to my riddle, as I have yet to see my website counter go up, but there is no doubt that her netherworld became moist with excitement following my perfectly-executed seduction tactics.

Yours truly,

Amadeus Walentine, Esq