Long story, tl;dr in the bottom

I'm turning 21 in a few weeks and I've been seriously depressed for about a year. When I was younger, I was always the "nerdy, weird" kid, probably because of bad social skills and low self-esteem. Then I moved to another city for highschool and my life completely changed: I found amazing friends, my classmates were great, my confidence was through the roof. I also found a passion in art, illustrations and drawing and I drew (and studied art/anatomy etc.) alot, which I still do. Everything was absolutely great (I pretty much got along with everyone in school). Then I entered a national singing/idol contest (of my country), because I've been passionate about music and singing for my whole life. I got into the semi-finals (live broadcast with about 100,000 viewers nation wide), I did not make it to the final 10. That is when my started falling apart, not because I didn't make it to the finals, but other singers there were so confident and social, I felt the same way i felt before highschool: alienated, weird and alone, something I had not felt for a long time. After highschool, I had to pick an university. I had no idea what to study next becuase neither art nor music are guaranteed career paths: artist are usually poor and depressed, musicians have to be extremely confident and extraverted, which I am not. I still chose music, because that is what i've done for my whole life (art has been my passion for about 3 years), it also meant moving to a different city. The people and the "aura" was completely different from what I was used to in highschool (and the other city). I felt a strong competitive and negative vibe, like everyone was judging everyone. There's also a moderate social hierarchy, which was almost non-excistent in highschool. The first month or two were fine, I could finally professionaly learn something I had loved for my whole life, but then I started feeling incredibly lonely and alienated, just like when I was younger. When I was in higschool, I was completely sure that I'll stay confident no matter what for the rest of my life, but now my whole world has been turned upside down: I feel like I can't trust anyone, I feel like I don't fit in (I keep telling myself that I don't need to fit in, but believe me, the aura and attitude is completely different). I feel like I'm alone and lost.

Also, my passion for music has been almost completely wiped away because the school curriculum has many anti-creative classes and you just don't have time nor strenght to do your own stuff. I have asked others students and they feel the same, one student told me that he has completely forgotten what thrived him to do music, now he just does it because he has to and he only does the things that school offers him to do. This is incredibly sad and terryfying. Something that you have loved for your whole life has became a terrible chore. I also hate performing on stage, because I always hate myself after performing and I feel like i'm not good enough (part of it is because of criticism/gossip etc.). I now feel like I should maybe completely drop music and pursue a career in art, but being an artist seems way less incredible than being a musician... What should I do?

(I'm sorry for incredibly scattered post, english is obviously not my primary language, nor do I have particulary good skills in writing)

A bit about myself

  • Decent looking, been through a lot of self image issues throughout my life, recently it has gone worse
  • Been severely underweight for my whole life (BMI of about 17) BUT I LOVE IT! I love being skinny because I feel like a k-pop star, although for my whole life people have been making insulting remarks about my weight (I don't have an eating disorder though, I'm just naturally skinny and I don't have a problem with it)
  • Kissless virgin, never had a gf, never had a relationship or a "fling" etc. although I've had a LOT of (female) friends. (been a part of the seduction community for a long time, but the techniques have either not worked or i've not bothered, i'm not worried about it though)

tl;dr life time-line:

  • Been a nerdy kid my whole life
  • Moved, went to highschool, best time of my life. Social life immediately skyrocketed, for the first time in my life I felt confident
  • Higschool ended, had to choose between two passions: music, which has been my passion for my whole life and art, which has been my passion for about 3 years. I'm way better at music and it's a more attractive subject, so i picked music.
  • Moved, went to a music school. Social life became terrible, although I do have alot of people I get along with. Suddenly felt like the same nerdy kid I was before highschool. The nature/attidude/people/aura in this school is/are completely different.
  • Confidence is destroyed, passion for music gone (ability has even gone worse in a way), feel like i'm back at square one (feel like the "before-highschool-me" came back).
  • Feel lost and am in deep depression, have no idea what to do.

Also, every time I go back to the city I studied in highschool, I charge my batteries and get the same feeling of confidence I had before. What should I do? Change school, pursue art? Forget completely about music? I'm scared and I feel like I'm completely alone with this problem...

(The reason i'm writing this in here is because i feel like a big part of seddit is self-improvement. Maybe you can give me a little insight)