For a long time I feel like my biggest weakness was in the gaps between initial contact and getting the woman I was interested in out on a date. I could get some basic interest started but when it came to a follow up, I had a ton of trouble. This goes for girls whose number I had and would be texting as well as on dating apps like OKCupid.

I stumbled across the solution through a combo of trial and error and reading Aziz Ansari's book "Modern Romance". Though it seems drop dead simple, the golden rule of getting dates was something I ignored for a long time to my own chagrin:

ALWAYS ASK HER TO MEET UP AT A SPECIFIC TIME AND PLACE.

And the more exciting the activity, the better. "Let's go to this street festival" beats "Let's get a drink here" and so on.

In a dating app this should be done after 1-3 messages to establish basic rapport. Via text, straightaway seems fair game.

Before I hadn't noticed how often I was making the mistake of saying things like "we should get a drink sometime" just to have everything fall apart as I got ignored. Why is the specific time specific place method so much more effective?

  1. It quickly roots out women who aren't truly interested by timeboxing the response. If you haven't heard in a day or two she isn't interested. If she is legitimately too busy she will suggest alternate time to meet up. Otherwise, NEXT!
  2. It goes straight to that vital part of human interaction, in-person rapport. No sense in chatting endlessly on Tinder if you can meet in person and much more quickly figure out if you're compatible.

If you're not doing this with women you're interested in today, start immediately! And you might find yourself out in quite a few more dates.