Why is it 10 times harder when a girl is giving me looks first?

2017-05-14T18:42:09+00:00

The longer you think about talking to her the harder it will be. The longer you take to speak to her after she's noticed you staring, the creepier you will appear. So approach quickly or just don't look at her at all. If she is super into you she might approach you or start up a conversation but don't hold your breath.

Pluglord · 2017-05-14T21:34:49+00:00

I have this same exact problem

I think it's because if a girl has already noticed us and likes us, we know that she has already put us on a pedestal and has high expectations of our personality. She probably thinks we're some confident Rockstar ass dude with a bunch of charm. And we subconsciously feel like we won't be able to meet the expectations she has of us and later on face some sort of rejection.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-05-15T14:39:21+00:00

But when I'm just enjoying lunch to myself and a cutie comes around acting like she is checking on napkins and condiments I just absolutely freeze up.

How are those napkins/condiments doing?

It really doesn't matter what you say. What happens is, when someone gets into your space, you can say something. It hardly matters what. You could just say, "Pokemon!" If they want to interact with you, they'll respond positively and you can take it from there.

I think it's years of self doubt that has built a brick wall that I can't seem to break. I keep trying to tell myself "she wants it so just give it to her"

The problem is, you're basically trying to replace one irrational belief ("She won't be interested in talking with you.") with another one ("She wants the 'd'.")

There's this misunderstood meme that floats around here, called, "Assume attraction." It's kind of misleading. It's not that you should assume everyone wants your cock. It's that you need to STOP thinking so much and get your ass in some interactions, in order to sort out where people stand.

And overall, one of the best things you could do to build up confidence is find a way to get into some new social circles. Preferably more than one at once, and mixed: with men and women. Why? Because there is so much damn focus here on walking up to girls you don't know, when this is honestly the most high stress way to try to practice. But you can build this skill set in so many different kinds of social interactions, many of them are easier than walking up to strangers all the time. (Which is really some advanced level shit.) Some suggestions:

Hash running: trail running + beer + fit people = win
Social partner dancing. Honestly the best option that hardly anyone is trying. Salsa, Tango, Lindy Hop, West coast swing. Learning any of these builds confidence, and develops the "seduction" skill set. Imagine being comfortable with physical escalation and being aware of when she wants it. But since you're there to learn a dance, there is no pressure to "pick up" and you learn the aforementioned skills as you dance with partners, even if they're platonic. And these dance scenes are generally welcoming to guys because it's hard to get and keep new ones. (Most think it's too girly or scary to try.)
Couchsurfing meets. Hang out with travelers or locals who like being around travelers. Use a Meetup app to find a group of people doing something fun.
Meet-up apps: look up people getting together who share a common interest!

Title	Why is it 10 times harder when a girl is giving me looks first?
Author	OldSchool9690
Upvotes	8
Comments	4
Date	May 14, 2017 5:21 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6b51hu/why_is_it_10_times_harder_when_a_girl_is_giving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-it-10-times-harder-when-a-girl-is-giving-me.1424669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1424669

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