Hi fellow RPers. I have an unusual problem. But first let me tell you my story: (TLDR at the bottom)

My dad was around and raised me, at least in theory, pretty RP. But he was basically a pussy and told me to act BP (since else i would get into trouble in the feminazied society etc.). So i always knew what to say but never really did.

I started of pretty good. I had the first sexual encounters with females when i was still in kindergarten (show me yours, then i show you mine kind of stuff, there was some "petting" and kissing, too). That continued until 2. grade or something when i started to develop a social anxiety (my big brother(asshole) kept calling me ugly on a daily basis and terrorizing me until i actually felt worthless. My parents never really did anything against that. So anytime the attention was on me i would freak out (oh no, now they will notice how ugly i am) that peaked in 8-9th grade when i was actually wearing make up (not to obvious, just a little to cover my acne).

Despite that, i actually was pretty good with women. In any conversation i had with attractive girls they would show clear signs of attraction, i never acted on them though since i still had this picture of me as this ugly guy, who is worthless.

When i became like 16,17 i started drinking (on parties, clubs etc.) and my social anxiety would very often completely fall off so would any filter, turned out I'm really good with women without those things. Making out with girls within seconds on the dance floor, after barely saying a couple of words to them etc(at almost every party we went to). But at that age i didn't really knew how to get them home.

I never attempted to date them or anything, since i was still worthless sober. Then when turning 18 i started to get to the point where i could fuck (some of)them on the party/park/club wherever i got to know them. But my first times i actually was so drunk, that i couldn't get it up. And i think it spiraled out of my control from there(brainfuck every time).

After getting my degree i went of to university. But i could never really shake my social anxiety off so i fucked that up by not being able to integrate/build a new social circle. So i was getting depressed and everything just got shittier every day(lost every kind of game i might had, being depressed really disgusts women) from there. After 2 years i quit my studies to study something else. That was a couple of weeks ago, when i stumbled upon this subreddit.

Reading the articles/selftexts provided here, really motivated me to get back what i lost and become the man i can be.

So since quitting my studies i really got back on the horse, picking up old/new activities, making out with girls again, actually taking their number down this time etc. Been 2 weeks since i started clubbing/dating again.Spinning 3 plates right now. I am actually going to every date/hook up sober and trying to get off alcohol for partying, too (its so much less fun, though).

BUT and here finally comes my problem: I cant fuck them. We hang or make out and i get horny as fuck (dick hard, too) but the moment i want to fuck them or put a condom on, nothing. My libido is gone and so is my erection.

I tried tadafil. And they really work (boners like steel for hours). But they actually don't arouse you, they just lower the threshold to get a hard on. So erections get harder and easier to keep up, but they only work when you're horny/aroused already.

I stopped watching porn 1 week ago (porn addiction seemed kind of fitting but kind of not since i am getting horny when making out.)

TLDR: social anxiety, depressed, bad whiskey-dick experiences in the past. Aroused/hard when making out with plates, gone when putting on condom/trying to fuck them.