Situation:

Me, 51, average looking white guy, not wealthy or appearing so, but I am confident and straightforward. I've also been traveling and avoiding any serious contact with women for nearly 2 years (since last breakup). Her, 25, a solid ten, ballerina training, intelligent, seductive, overwhelming. She fit the description of what I'd describe as being the sexiest type for me, so I was hooked from first eye contact.

What happened: A couple asks me--randomly on the street--to go drink with them (I'm an American in Guadalajara, which is a happening place, but this was still a bit unusual). We drink a beer and it becomes apparent they are platonic friends (or playing a very tactful game of some sort). After a second or third drink, and heavy flirting, I kiss her (not uninvited--watched for body language) and soon after we're saying good-bye to her friend.

What happened next:

The most free and uninhibited sex I've ever had, even considering long term partners. Due to performance anxiety, age, beer, I didn't climax this entire time, including oral sex in the shower (she had to go home around 1am due to work early the next day). I asked her to be my girlfriend in the shower, as I was high on the euphoria of the experience, so this was why I say I handled the situation poorly. In any case, whether I wanted another date, a fuck buddy, a girlfriend, or a wife....asking for a commitment like this that soon was just plain idiotic. Within five days, and a few WhatsApp exchanges, she tells me that she doesn't want a relationship, which is understandable, and I feel like I was invited to watch the World Series but left at the seventh inning stretch of Game One to go home and watch porn.

Lessons learned:

If a woman is giving you signals, go ahead and up the game. During our chatting at the bar, after I kissed her, I asked her straight, "Am I taking you home tonight or tomorrow?" This question is good for a couple of reasons, one it can't be easily answered with a simple "no" and second, it can sound like you're teasing if she's not receptive at the moment and you can play it off. Granted, it's a loaded question, so it must be asked at the right moment. In my case, she said, "tonight." That took all the pressure off and we could enjoy finishing our beers and chatting with her guy friend who was still sitting with us.

If you're with a woman who impresses you so much you want to marry her the next day, shut the fuck up and act like a normal human being. If I could do anything to change what happened that night, I would not have done something that made it appear I was desperate and needy. I think this is one of the primary reasons I'm writing this post....a note to myself and a reminder to others, any form of neediness is going to get a bad reaction except from people who are going to end up sucking the life out of you later.

I can't say enough about having a good wing man. This guy, who was a total stranger, made the transition very easy. For a while I was afraid there was some con going on....as if they were working me at some angle. This is how he set me up: He wrote his name on a cocktail napkin, apparently she knew this trick, as he got her to write her name on one as well, and then they sort of pretended to kiss and exchange napkins. Which is virtually impossible to do. Anyway, when his trick failed, which was by design, I pulled out two small breath mints and placed one on her tongue and one in my mouth. I demonstrated a "better" trick, exchanging mints...that kiss made it clear to me that I could proceed with seduction, although as I stated in the title, I'm not sure who seduced who.

Now, that's the FR, and my current feelings are still somewhat down. She really impressed me.

So, I have some questions.

I talked to an American expat who has lived her 4 years. He said, "This is how Guadalajara is, you go out, you fuck the most beautiful women on the planet, and then you move on. If you want a wife, you'll get one, but you have to learn to have one-night stands."

I'm not very good at this.

When I seduce a woman, which I think I'm reasonably okay at, I end up with a girlfriend (and often a wife).

Does anyone have any good tricks or ways to be able to control the emotional attachment that comes so easy to me? I don't want to feel like I'm using anyone, so I have this sense that if I'm fucking someone, it means something. I'd like a healthier view of causal fun sex (without becoming someone who simply avoids any commitment, I do want a girlfriend at some point, maybe even a wife). Maybe I am what I am? But I think I can learn to change the things I don't like. Maybe I can find a happy middle ground? I want to experience fun sex and seduction and be able to date multiple women...and yeah, at some point I'd like a serious partner.

Finally, after this woman told me she'd thought a lot about dating me, but had decided against it, I sent her a single message reminding her that she'd told me she often changes her mind, and that I wasn't playing with her emotions. I don't plan on messaging her again anytime in the near future, unless she reaches out first, but what, if any experience does anyone have with contacting someone like this 3 months or 6 month down the road?

I mean, I'll have nothing to lose if I send a WhatsApp message in January of next year, right?

I know I need to put her out of my mind and move on, for now, but if there's a chance in the future of seeing her again, I'd sure like to.