I've read lots of dogma about this stuff, including it's better for the guy to like the girl and have the girl love the guy. Be strong for the most part, and say emotional things (I love you, I miss you) but less than the girl does. Does this mean I can't be emotionally vulnerable around a girl that I've been dating? I realize that I have my own needs. Of course, I would not put all of my troubles and burden on someone I'm dating; that would be too much for them to handle and is unhealthy.

I am, on the outside, a successful person. I have a well-respected professional job, live on my own, am financially secure, and have my own hobbies. I am in shape and I've been told I'm attractive. I live in a smaller town and am a racial minority so dating can be a little challenging, but I understand that living here is not a forever thing. When I first start dating a girl, I have enough self-respect to walk away if it's not working out, I don't smother them, I have no problem with them seeing other people. Once I get emotionally invested though, it's different. I read stuff here all the time about how guys are okay with nonmonogamy and how they would love to sleep with all sorts of other women. I realize I don't own anyone, including the person I'm dating, and they are free to do as they please but it really hurts my feelings when I feel like they are seeing others. I have to admit, I do get insecure and jealous, and usually just try to ignore those feelings and never bring it up to the girl because of how attraction killing that is. But it eats me up inside. I have lots of sleepless nights. Am I allowed to tell someone I'm seeing that I feel insecure and sometimes wish for a little more reassurance from them?

I get that a big part of this is a me problem. I think that I have depression and I will be getting help for that.