Given to trial and error I’ve tried both strategies.

Let it stand that the lion strategy involves going out with the intent of getting a girlfriend, ONS or mate and the spider involves allowing them to come to you.

These are merely analogies and one is not better than the other but one may work better for you at another time in your life.

THE LION: fit, muscular, strong, adventurous, outgoing, yang, external.

A single-minded focus on the haunches of the gazelle.

THE SPIDER: yin, patient, stealthy, perhaps dark or devious, making use of camouflage.

He waits to see what enters his web.

The key difference the spider builds something to DRAW them in.

The lions hunts and GOES AFTER the prey.

I’ve often taken the way of the spider.

How do you fashion your web and of what material?

The spider weaves a web just as you can weave a tale about your exploits and travels. It helps if you have some experience.

If not, you can most certainly tell some tall tales. I won’t judge. Really, if you are engaging, enthusiastic and charismatic she won’t see you as a liar but someone that has a passion for life.

After all, it is theatrics that appeals to her. What then do your weave your web from?

The spider SEDUCES:

  1. MYSTERY

Be mysterious. Who was that masked man?

Mystery: Turn the man-logic brain off. That does not appeal to her at all. This is the art of making things sound good but don’t divulge your life as a series of facts. Like a good video game or movie trailer you leave her wanting more.

That’s why Tao of Steve says Be excellent; Be desireless; Be gone. There’s some mystique to that approach and you are not hounding her for info or attention or leaning in. You are leading her on.

Ideally, she is leaning into you. That’s a body language cue.

This a chance to use that acting class or whatever creative, innovative or imaginative skill or talent you have.

Intrigue: embellish, aggrandize, blow things out of proportion (this huge fucking Rottweiler chased me on the way to my car!), drop hints about a dark past and then change the subject.

This requires finesse and is more art than science but story telling is a simple skill that can be learned by almost anyone and can be great fun.

Suspense: don’t answer questions. Leave her hanging. Say I’ll get back to that. Hold frame. Use humor. Command the audience.

That part in Wedding Crashers where he says “We lost a lot of good men out there,” works because he’s invoking a feeling of empathy from her. Not that exact war story but something that creates the EMOTIONAL RESPONSE.

It could be that you had a great dog that was your companion for years and a champion frisbee catcher and he died. This endears her to you. Evoking emotion in her builds a connection.

Building on the mystery by evoking her curiosity. You want her asking “What is this guy all about?”

Ask her to do you a small favor like hand you a napkin. As thinking animals we tend to rationalize why we do something for someone. This starts to create a mechanism of liking. PSY 101

  1. PLEASURE

Be suggestive of pleasure. Get her in the mood.

Start with what you are passionate about. (Engineers, you have a real challenge here.)

This may involve directly talking about sex (You ever tried anal?) or working your way toward that (So, are you and your husband in an open relationship? Really? What was your experience?) end.

Calibrate her so you know whether to go direct or be more subtle.

This involves a little NLP by doing things or saying things that point her mind toward pleasure.

This is why foods like cherries, oysters and chocolate are all considered aphrodisiacs. Although there may be some science behind it the real appeal is the touch, and feel and color.

Cherries like nipples or a clit.

Oysters sliding down her throat.

Strawberries dipped in chocolate...

all on the path of pleasure with Venusian delights. These are SUGGESTIVE.

It’s not about your day at work. It’s time to enjoy the finer things and you are the porn version of Willy Wonka so lead the way by enjoying some of the finer things.

This shows in the meal you order or the movie you choose, the dessert. It is all part of the seduction.

  1. PROXIMITY

Get close. OK. Yeah. A little closer.

It’s about space. Keep it close. The web is a small space. Keep it small, confined, dimly lit. A booth or corner of the sofa in your living room. The bed. The more reasons for touching the better. Massage. Acupressure. The hot tub. The bath. The front seat. The back seat.

Hold the small of her back and guide her to where you are going. If it all possible get her to your place—a controlled environment.

  1. EFFECTS

Conversation pieces or Why are you wearing a raccoon bone around your neck?

The mystical and the magical. This is sensual. But think about what you like—what she likes. As simple as it sounds people like shiny things. A shiny sports car, jewelry, her nails, technology.

Gleaming steel. This can be artwork and conversations pieces or oddities. Artifacts of history from your past.

Things that have a story behind them. Conversation pieces that draw her in. Your walking stick, tie pin or even the keg that is sticking halfway through the wall—it’s got a story behind it.

The most mundane things can be a the sources of transformative experiences:

Example: hold your money clip up. “You will never guess the trouble this money clip has gotten me into.”

  1. TIME

Losing all track of time.

Ideally, she loses all sense of time with you because you created a seductive space. Hedonism. This is not the time to complain about work. Moreover share a sexual experience. The frame of mind is toward enjoyment, lust, the sensual. You’ve created a space and a time for enjoyment and pleasure. Humor.

Time with you is time well spent because you know how to live life and how to enjoy things. How to savor. Enjoying her body and the build up. Making it last. Riding the rhythms of fast and hard and slow and sensual. Time.

  1. MOMENTS

Creating moments: Hallmark doesn’t have cards for the first time she tried anal.

As this goes you are creating moments and an aura about you. For her it is something magical or transformative. She might say something along the lines of “ Whenever I’m with you I feel different... safe... horny.”

So, in retrospect you are creating an environment that is conducive to sensual appeal—a TIME and a SPACE

Some props will go a long way in creating the proper atmosphere. It is a matter of style but you create your own from sophisticated to sophomoric.

Think about how restaurants and gentleman’s clubs are arranged. They are dark. There are often small tight spaces. There are always shiny things—and often used to good effect.