Basically, the only woman I really care about is my mom, and I wanna care about women again. The thing is, I just don't. I don't care about the girls I see in college. I don't really care about the few girls I do know, and I'm not really friends with any of them. I think it's this apathy that's making me alone. I almost wanna care for a girl, but, it's impossible, most of them are basically the same, all some variant of whatever stereotype they are, from conservatives, to hood girls, to hippies.

I know how they work too. I can't love women anymore, I don't think, because they can't love me. Sometimes I fantasize about actually being close to a girl, in a nice relationship, maybe even in love, but then I wake up from the fantasy. I've accepted women can't love me.

One, they despise weakness, meaning they'll never see the full me anyway. Two, I'm black, the most women can want me for is sex, and rarely even that because I'm not ghetto.

I don't even know how to grow close to women anymore because I view friendships with them as mostly useless. Do I hate women? No, but I feel men provide more fulfilling friendships, probably because friendships with men are more organic and equal, whereas I need to seek out friendship with a woman, and the friendship would be about me doing things to satisfy her ego.

Even worse if I find said woman attractive, when I was younger I'd do what is described above, until one day I showed my weakness, and, like all women, they'd figure I'm a bitch and put me at the position of lamp. These days, since I just don't care, they try to use sex to make me do shit for them.

Anyway, point is, I don't want these beliefs anymore. I do think they're true, and haven't been given a reason to doubt them, besides Inceltears users having hissy fits over me not respecting (worshipping) women or something.

Just, how can I get myself to a point where I can love again? I wanna like girls again, I wanna like them for who they are, I wanna fantasize about having a relationship and get a crush and all that shit again. How can I, though? I feel like I've just seen more than enough, hence why they don't matter to me.

Also, how do I become close to women, as my original question asked? Especially when most mean nothing to me?