Trying to find anything about "frame" is a natural example of sisyphean labour. There's no definition, no clear examples, but they tell you to "hold it". Anyways, please tell me, did I finally grasp this concept, or am I still oblivious and clueless about it?

Approached a girl on street. She looked like she was into me. Gave mer her number. Called her one day later, she was glad to hear me, gladly accepted a date proposal (was eager to move her plans to fit my free time).

  • Texts me one day before, asks if we can move to a different time.

  • I reply "sure, that was the time I proposed originally" (before she told me she can come earlier and we agreed to that).

  • She replies "okay, then at time at place1" (naming a different place than what we agreed on before).

  • I text "wait, didn't we agree to meet at place2" (here I thought if I'll just agree to the change of place without reminding her of my original proposal and her agreement, I will "break frame")

  • She says "oh well it's so far away from me" (true, she's coming way longer distance than I do to meet me)

  • I say "well, it's fine, we can meet at place2, but we'll have to go to the city center anyway, since there's nothing interesting at place2"

  • She says "we can go to place3"

  • I decide it's pointless to remind her again that we have agreed on place1 originally, especially since I told her that just a text message before, and I don't want to argue, so I text "we'll just decide when we meet" (I feel that either agreeing or trying to argue here would be "breaking frame")

I'm barely on time, minute to minute. She's not yet there. I decide I need to pee so I go ask in a cafe if I can use their WC, wait in queue etc. After I'm out it's already 6 minutes late. She's nowhere to be seen. I text "you here?" and she replies "be in a minute". She does indeed appear soon and I don't mention to her that she's late for 7 minutes. I don't think I broke frame here by allowing her to be late, because the transportation method she uses only departs every 10 to 20 minutes and there can be traffic jams, so complaining about her being late would be unjustified. Besides, I only had to actually wait for her for one minute, not 7, so I was not really waiting at all.

I take her and just lead her. A minute later she asks where we're going and I tell her "we're going to place1" without any explanation and she agrees. Later I, for some reason unknown to me, tried to elaborate why I chose place1 instead of place3, and immediately felt that was a stupid idea (I mean, she's already following, why do I need to elaborate, it's like I'm not sure she's fine with me taking the lead. I think I "broke frame" here, showing I'm unconfident in my ability to lead).

We arrive, I lead on, she's following without question.

At one point I tell her "We can go into that park if you want" and she replies "Just lead on to wherever you want" and I immediately felt that was a stupid idea again (she's following me, why am I asking, besides, there's no reason she'd NOT want to go to the park - again, I think I "broke frame" here).

She seems to be having fun time with me. We tell each other stories, exchange opinions. I take her to some interesting places I know of and we're having fun. Then, on the way to one place, she asks me where I'm taking her and I tell her "you'll see, it's a special place" and she does not persist. When we get close, I vaguely describe it to her, and tell her a story about it, and then she tells me that next she will take me somewhere I should like, and I agree saying "sure, why not, we can go there next". On the way there I ask here what it is, and she says she wants to surprise me the way I surprised her, and I tell her "awesome, let's see what you got!". I didn't feel any awkwardness about this, and I don't think I "broke frame" here or "entered her frame" - am I right? I genuinely wanted to see whatever she has in store for me and I like surprises and acknowledge her effort to please me, so I agreed to it without any hesitation.

We go where she told me (I'm leading, after she told me the general location where we need to head to), the place is unfortunately closed, then I lead her to an alternative. She agrees again, without any argument, following my lead. Then it's time for her to go home and I see her off.

So, is this the concept of "you holding frame" and "her entering your frame"? When you lead and she follows and does what you enjoy to do and enjoys it with you, without you actually asking her "do you want to do X"? Am I right where I held frame and where I broke it?