I'm using a throwaway.

It has been roughly six months since breaking through denial into anger.

Grew up in the suburbs in a loving family environment. Strictly catholic. Parents were married around 25 years old and remain together. They've almost been married 25 years. 5 years ago I realized my mother wasn't happy, she had enough of whatever and let it be known to my 5 siblings and I.

She went to school and started running marathons. For 3 years my father has been living in the basement. He's in monk mode. He lifts. He prays. He's trying damn hard.

He tiptoes around her feelings. He won't even hug her in some sort of fear that he'll lose everything. My mother has considered divorce, but ultimately strongly believes in her holy commitment to my father. She's also not feeling adequate attraction to him.

Today was Thanksgiving. Just my family and a close friend of ours. This is also the first family gathering since TRP has truly began to sink in. I see things more clearly. I heard my dad say something very beta-like to my mom, I don't even know the words he used, I could hear it in his voice. I curiously look at my mother and the look on her face said it all. You've seen it and might know it better than I do. Wide-eyed, looking at the ground away so it's discreet to hide an embarrassing disappointment in her spouse. It was vivid.

Obviously I want to just tell my dad hey, that's your bed. You've tried praying in the basement for long enough and this is your house. That's what she really wants anyway.

I don't think he'd like that coming from his first-born son.

So I'm looking for advice on how to plant seeds of TRP undetected. Some how signal to him that he's the man and should never be ashamed of owning what's his, so to speak. Our entire family needs his strength and wisdom, unfortunately he seems to lack trust in himself.

Start spending more time with him is step one, anything to keep in mind?