The Background

I’m in my 40’s and coming off an absolutely brutal divorce. It’s been 25 years since I’ve been in the dating game, and I’ve been reading and watching various guides on approaches, day/night gaming, etc. I’m a natural introvert, which makes approaches a fundamental challenge for me, but I’m also in sales, which has forced me to come out of my comfort zone and be more expressive around people. I would rate myself a 7/10 for looks. I’m 6’0”, 175 with an athletic build and am in the process of losing ten pounds and building added muscle. I am financially secure and have a home with a view of the ocean in north Seattle, a perfect pad to bring a girl back to. Now, I just need to make it happen.

The Challenge

I’m a natural wallflower when it comes the the club scene and want to begin making approaches. I hate going out solo to clubs, but unfortunately all my local friends are married with kids. I need a wingman in the worst way, but until that happens I’ve got to make do with the cards I’ve been dealt.

The Scenario

I’ve been divorced for two months now and have scouted out the local bar scene. I’ve found three bars that are virtually crawling with single women. I went to all three last night with the goal of making baby steps of initial contact with women. I believe that 95% of women love being approached, so I don’t have any preconceived notions that I need to get over. Seattle is packed with tech geek men and SJW women, but there are definitely some big fish in the waters.

Scene One (Bar with Many Women in Small and Large Groups in a Standard Bar Setting)

I popped into Bar #1 at 9:00 p.m. and got a lay of the land. It was fairly packed and I immediately saw a seat at the bar directly next to two gals that seemed single. I sat down and ordered a drink. As I scanned the bar with my eyes, I saw many attractive women. One group of two were sitting at an elongated table in the middle, and I made eye contact with one of them and we exchanged a smile. I try to keep a semi-smile on my face at all times, as I think it signals approachability and conveys confidence.

Anyway, as I sipped my first drink I decided that I wanted to make an approach with the two gals sitting next to me. I noticed that the gal immediately to my left was drinking a beer in a black can, and the facing of the can was tilted away from me so that I couldn’t make out the brand. I decided that I’d ask her what kind of beer it was that she was drinking and take it from there. The two gals were engaged in a lively conversation, and I waiting for the gal next to me to turn away from her conversation toward me, at which point I’d make my move. I waited...and waited...and it didn’t happen. I thought about tapping her shoulder to get her attention, but instead got up to survey the rest of the bar and take a leak. When I got back to my seat, the gal on the other side of the two that were talking looked at me as I sat back down and we exchanged a brief smile. I still didn’t make my move. Ugh. FIrst beer’s kicking in and my social anxiety is melting away. I spun around from the bar counter and faced outwardly. I hate being the only person alone in the bar, and one of my protocols is to periodically pick up my cell phone and have a fake conversation with someone, as I think this signals sociability. I did this.

Just then, two mediocre gals walked up to the bar where I was at and ordered drinks, one a gin and tonic and the other an old-fashioned. Out of the blue, I start chatting them up and complimenting their drink choices and fist-bumped one of them for her amazing taste in liquor. I chatted with them for a few minutes as they waited for their drinks. After they got their drinks, they retreated to the back of the bar. Hey, that was easy for me, and they were definitely engaged. Even though I didn’t take our simple conversation to the next step, I had made my first approach. Baby steps.

I next decided to stand adjacent to the bar counter where I had been sitting. I’m six feet tall, and sitting takes away my height advantage of attraction, so better to stand as much as possible. I ordered my second drink and walked around to various parts of the bar. No prime opportunities to approach, mostly gals in larger groups. Then I spotted two blondes sitting at the back of the bar. They seemed a bit restless, and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to hit them up. I thought about walking over and saying something like “excuse me, but your beauty is radiating so brightly from this corner of the bar that the rest of us need shades”. If only I had a wingman to accompany me, I would have 100% done this, but I couldn’t muster up the courage to go it solo. I retreated back to my original location, and after exchanging a few more glances with gals, finished my drink and exited the bar to walk down the street to Bar #2.

Scene Two (Bar with Many Women in Small and Large Groups in a Standard Bar Setting)

I entered the bar and went up to the counter and ordered drink #3. I surveyed the scene and again saw many attractive women in small groups. Two were sitting at a table engaged in conversation. Damn, should I go sit with them? If only I had a wingman. Instead, I stood next to the ATM machine and sipped my drink. Fake cell phone conversation to signal my sociability to my new audience. I’ve gotten friendly with this bar’s bouncer and one of the bartenders, and I had brief conversation with each of them as they passed me by. I went over to the jukebox and fired up the first four songs off of Metallica’s seminal “Master Of Puppets”. Perfect rally-cry adrenaline music to get me in the gaming spirit.

I went back to my spot by the ATM and stood semi-smiling. Just then a group of several extremely-attractive girls approached the bar, laughing and clearly in various stages of drunkenness. They ordered a round of shots and chugged them down. One of the gals was struggling to keep her shot down, and she and another gal broke away from the group and came towards me, trying to shake off the drink she had just had. I walked toward them and with a big smile said, ”hey, everything alright with you two?”. One of the gals laughed back and said “she just had a Vegas car bomb and I’m not sure of she’s gonna keep it down”. The three of us chatted it up for a few minutes, and the gal who wasn’t seeming sick was definitely engaged in our conversation. Finally, the sick gal said she needed to go to the restroom (I could guess why), and the two of them broke away. Approach #2 in the books.

After they came back out several minutes later, they walked past me, and I gave them both a big, knowing smile, and I knew what had just happened in the bathroom. The sick gal gave me a big double eyebrow-bump and they walked away to the back room. Damnit, a drunk, hot gal who gave me a double eyebrow-bump, and I let her get away. Still, baby steps.

I ordered drink #4 and hung out for a little while longer before deciding to get in my car and drive to Bar #3.

Scene Three (Bar with Many Women in Small and Large Groups in a Dance Club Setting)

This club is a key scene for me, as it is always packed with drunk, hot women and has a very active dance floor. I entered the club and surveyed the scene. Par for the course, hotties everywhere and the music was pumping. I ordered drink #5 and walked around the club. The bar area is a standard bar setting and the dance floor is in the back. A guy walking by said to me “hey man, I really dig your shirt. I have one just like it”. I was wearing a new shirt that I had just bought and don’t think he was hitting on me, but his compliment served as a confidence-builder. This was my last bar stop and final opportunity to make approaches for the evening. I didn’t see a single guy in the entire club better-looking than me, and it was time to game on.

I walked over to the dance floor and saw a flock of women of various degrees of hotness dancing both with guys and also in groups alone. Women dancing in groups alone is the ultimate opportunity to engage, and my adrenaline surged as I considered the opportunity to hit the floor and join one of the girls alone groups. Where is my wingman to help make this happen? I couldn’t muster the courage and instead hung by the dance floor entrance. Fake cell phone conversation to signal my sociability. A couple of semi-attractive guys walked over to close to where I was standing and were watching as well, and I thought about approaching them and evaluating them as potential wingmen, but didn’t. I noticed a few gals looking at me as they danced, and here before me was totally low-hanging fruit, ripe for the plucking. All I had to do was enter the dance floor and start jamming along with them (I’m a good dancer, too). And I couldn’t do it.

I finally walked away to the area between the dance floor and the bar and stood alone. Two clearly-intoxicated gals came walking away from the dance floor laughing, and one of them was pointing at her feet to the other, and it looked like she either hurt her foot or broke her shoe while dancing. As they approached me, I said to them “dance floor shoe casualty, huh?” One of the gals said, “nah, everything’s alright” and the two of them kept on walking by. Well, that didn’t go so well, but at least Approach #3 was in the books.

It’s an interesting dynamic for me. On the one hand, I really have no issues making approaches, as I’m confident in my looks and ability to make lively, intelligent, and funny conversation. On the other, I hate rejection, and Approach #3 stung me a bit. I’ve got to learn to shake that shit right off and get back to the numbers game. The more approaches I make, the better odds I face.
It was now close to 1:00 a.m., and I was getting tired and feeling the effects of my five drinks. Another noteworthy observation for me to journal is that I do my best work in the 1-4 drink range. Most guys try to get shitfaced to do their scamming, but for me I just need a bit of a social lubricant to get me going, and the downward curve of too many drinks just gets me slurry and tired. I’ll definitely remember to pace myself going forward.

I went back to the entrance to the dance floor and stood. Ugh, the perfect opportunity for me to get what I’m after. Last call for alcohol announced on the overhead. It was Friday night, and I hadn’t planned to stay out this late and wanted to save my energy for a Saturday afternoon weight training session and Saturday night bar-hopping grand finale. I finished the last of my drink and drove home.

Reflection, Game Plan, and Sense of Urgency

All-in-all, I’m pleased with the baby steps I took last night. After two months of wallflowering, I made three approaches which went relatively well. I decided to title my post "Baby Steps", but I dunno, I made some pretty large strides last night. My game plan is to go out again tonight and make a minimum of three more approaches, with a goal of taking at least one of my approaches to the next level, whether that be asking someone to dance with me, getting someone’s phone number, or even the ultimate feat, which is to bring someone home. I feel a sense of urgency in that I’m in my 40’s, and the hourglass is slipping away for me to nightgame. I don’t want to be one of those creepy older guys hanging out in a club with kids half his age, so the time for me is now. I would love to find a wingman to open up endless other possibilities, so if any fellow Seattleites want to join me in the journey, hit me up. Meanwhile, it’s nap time, then off to the gym, and then getting ready for my big Saturday night out. I will update my journal after tonight’s action.