I SUCK BUT AT LEAST IM TRYING

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went out last night, I hadn't been out in a LONG time and there were beautiful girls everywhere but of course i felt like a wuss and was intimidated by them. i talked to some, but merely as practice talking to them. nothing sexual about it whatsoever and i just act like i didn't give a shit about them....but i am still working on just talking to people, let alone girls. the goal is smoooooth as butter interactions with people where possible, that is the ENTIRE reason i have not been getting laid is because i am too anxious to just let it ride and let interactions with people do what they will.

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it is 100%% about projection and communication and vibes. of course girls want dick but you have to make them WANT your dick. that is the challenge and that is the trial where you are proving something. exactly what, i am not entirely sure, probably just that you are able to give a shit less than anyone else.

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talked to an upperclassmen / grad student dude and his bros at the bar, i had just been sitting nursing my drinks alone all night and figured the "demonstrate value" portion of the formula would be served a bit if i started chatting to OTHER DUDES. yeah even though i am trying to get with girls you look dumb if you can't make conversation with ANYONE, it helps create the illusion that you aren't trying to get laid and are just there to use those social skillz. at the end of the day, if you ain't talking to anyone, you got problems.

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said dude thought i was a freshman (i'm 24, he thought i was 18 lol)/. the same old butthurt ego over people think i'm a lil baby fired up, but i suppressed it and i played into it while still carrying myself confidently. he ended up giving me "advice" with girls, told me that i NEED to be getting laid and said (while drunk lol) that he could get me the number of any girl in the bar. of course i was thinking "bullshit, you're just drunk" . so people can TELL i'm out there hunting puss, it's starting to be obvious because i am hanging out at night and maybe i just look horny a lot idk. but i felt a bit like, "ok, i know i am playing an act, but i am still networking and learning" so i took the experience as that. of course no girl is going to approach me unless i approach her first...and i'm getting real close to starting to do cold approach.

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this stuff ISN'T scary ..... i'm just helping to fix my brain so it actually agrees with me. patience and persistence

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any thoughts or comments are appreciated