Looking back, I've done some horrible shitty choices in my life. From ditching very good friends for a pussy to having so hard oneitis that made me consider a career change.

I've been isolated from everyone except my parents for a year and a half. Shit is depressing but imagine a 30+ man living like a college student where the only pleasures in his life is video games and fapping. I want out of this shit, I want to correct whatever remains to be corrected. Then I found the red pill, I read and read for hours to understand deeper how things work. Reading all the things while depressed didn't helped much but once I snapped out of it I know that I am all alone in this.

I've been meaning to get my shit straight. I cannot for the life of me start from anything. I workout at home because I'm too poor to afford a gym membership. I haven't got a job that pays yet. There are out there but the competition in a market full of unemployed people is too high (I'm from Europe) and the long-term social isolation doesn't help. My overall health condition is horrible and cannot even afford a proper doctor. In fact, I bet some of them are chronic issues.

I'm telling you this because first I want you to understand where I'm coming from ("game" is simply not even an option at this point) and second because I cannot for the life of me find a purpose/mission in life, like the red pill suggests. I'm trying to learn programming because Reddit claims that it's in hot demand and it's a legitimate way to get myself out of poverty but keep double-thinking (stuff like "you're too old now" and "you will never make it"), probably leftover from the depressive days.

How do I even begin to fix this fucking mess?

P.S.: I'm obviously posting from a throwaway.