I am extremely self-conscious about coming across 'weird.' This has roots in my childhood I'm sure from having dorky mannerisms growing up to having nerdy hobbies that caused me to identify with nerdy behavior (social conditioning said your hobby = nerd = awkward).

Overall I'm far from socially awkward now. It's sad because I'm constantly overly paranoid about coming across like a weirdo, the kind that's spastic, is awkward, bag of nerves. Body parts twitch sometimes and my heart will stop because I'm concerned that officially I'm weird.

I know it's silly and it's highly unlikely I'll come across that way but a part of me is convinced that if I let go of the self-consciousness, then the weird is all going to come out and I'm guaranteeing myself a life of social rejection. If I'm not hyper-conscious of my mannerisms, I know the genuine mannerisms will come out and they're far from smooth, perfect and can be really messy and weird at times.

Help please lol